I own a cynical T-shirt (imagine that) that mocks Twitter with the blue bird spouting out, "Nobody Cares." It's ironic in a sense because I love to tweet, and for the most part believed as to be a true statement based on the lack of constructive feedback from my 300 friends on the Internet.
My seemingly pessimistic
(I will still stand by realistic) outlook may not be unjust, but it leaves
me pondering when my cat will let an A&E camera crew into the apartment
while I am at work for a surprise intervention. The little furball is
sneaky like that.
The issue I have is that
the "help" my friends seem oh so willing to give catches me
by surprise. The feedback seems to be directed at my family members
instead of myself. Damn that is irritating.
No one knows how to put @russthebus
on Twitter? Have people forgotten how to use the comment field on Facebook?
Why do people prefer to say
that I am fucked up to my family rather than to just let me have it?
If one thing everyone who knows me will tell you, I'm not afraid to
accept to hurtful comments if I leave myself open to it.
I do not have family on my
networks because I am not prepared to worry them. I thought we turn
to friends first because we know who it will hurt the most. The few
times they have followed me, they decide to address my closest family
about my problems instead of me.
It is a fact that bad things
that are second hand lead to over reactions, and it is not helpful when
these reactions lead my family to panic attacks which they convert into
anger when I am faced with it.
If my problems need my family's
input, I will tell them. I tweet some bleak shit because I am hoping I
can figure this stuff out before I cause them pain. The reason I SCREAM
this out to "friends" is because I am looking for new observations
about my issues, and hopefully I could use those to move forward.
Never mind the fact that
I already have a pretty good idea how my family will react. It almost
makes me worry about giving them a key to my place when one of them
tells me "I heard this from..."
And I will just fucking say
it. If I am going to do something stupid (please get this implication),
I am just going to do it. Fuck talking about it. If I stop speaking my
mind, I am fucked.
I know the vast majority
of you think there is nothing to say, but fuck, I am always thinking
(and yeah that might be my biggest problem), you are telling me you cannot come up with a written slap in the face or a way to repackage "hang
in there." Merriam-Webster.com
has a fucking thesaurus.
In the end, this entire thing
about communication is my fault. Good think I dropped out of this at
ICC. I have to redo my social nets because I am friends with a lot of
people that I should not be. For me, the net is about self expression/promotion
and I have pretty good idea about who can accept that.
At least for me, it is not
meant for me to get reacquainted with those who won't understand who
I am at this time. Fuck, for the most part, I feel that they did not
understand me back then.
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