Clint Howard for Raw GM and How the WWE is "No Holds Barred"

Can there ever be too much irony? I'm leaning towards yes as the answer. Alanis Morissette made sure she didn't feature much of it in her hit single and M. Night Shyamalan hasn't been able to sell us on any of his twists since "The Village." Perhaps he exchanged his sixth sense for the topic when he cast Bryce Dallas Howard in his films. Their first collaboration was a lot like "10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife," and Howard coincidentally looks like her Dad.

The latter part of that assessment may seem a bit harsh. I should have used reminds me of Richie Cunningham. You can blame the movie poster of "Lady in the Water" for the association. You are going to need to visit the IMDB page because I don't want the poster to be the random image that gets posted on Facebook when I send out my advertising tweets (from @MainEventZombie) for this blog. When you look at it and see the Howard name, tell me you don't see Opie Taylor? Then you see Paul Giammati's billing, you can't help but add his hairline to her ginger face. The answer to the equation is Ron Howard.

In the end (I need to get back to the ironic theme), at least I'm not reminded of Clint Howard when I think about actresses with traditional a traditional "Annie"-base. Then again, wouldn't Clint be more suited to play the role of a lead scientist in a played out dinosaur movie franchise? His age may make him more authoritative. WWE needs a likable authority figure. And I needed a title that draws greater interest than "John Cena has one too many syllables to be Rip."

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No Holds Barred 2: Dana White of Future Past

Saturday, December 6, 2014: Hulk Hogan was a Smiling Zeus.

I claimed that "No Holds Barred" was a manifesto of what Vince McMahon wanted to do with pro wrestling, but the audience wasn't ready for it. This film could have been an inspiration for how Eric Bischoff successfully started the Monday Night War. Turner had purchased the film's distributor, New Line, only six months prior to Hogan signing with WCW. And Bischoff had just received the promotion to executive producer. This also shows that Hogan is a complete work of fiction. Rip wouldn't sell out.

"The New Generation" in the WWE wasn't necessarily a bad thing, but the business wasn't ready for it. With the lengthiness of careers (Viva Funk), it occurred 20 years ahead of schedule. And it's also evidence that history repeats itself after Vince McMahon's claims of a lack of ambition being what's driving his sports entertainment entity to the point where he may want to purchase it off the NYSE. It's hard to be ambitious when the boss says carrying around a trash can or a bunny tag team partner is "making it."

It can be argued that all of the controversies about the WWF required a turnover of talent, but Bischoff realized like Brell...(Damn, do I need to watch this film again to nail the quote...has IMDB left any of you readers down in a similar fashion?)...WHAT RATINGS ARE (no I didn't rewatch NHB). He knew, as indicated by drug user Nelson Cruz's contract with the Mariners and the continued viewership of American football as their stars who are building resumes to match Bill Cosby, fans do not care about the conditions that do not directly involve the business they've always watched. WCW got noticed by using the ratings that were lost to in the name of Ahmed Johnson. When the circumstances were right, they performed the helicopter at the NHB's charity event scene at Bash at the Beach. Ironically, the Hulk Hogan character let all his little fans down.

As I mentioned earlier, history is currently repeating itself. To make things better, we just need someone with money and comically evil aspirations. Except this time, we don't have to wait three-years for a Steve Austin to fill the role of Rip Thomas.

Chris Hardwick can be Kurt Fuller and CM Punk is the Cool Protagonist that McMahon wanted Rip to be.

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Where's the WWE Union and Where's "No Holds Barred 2: Return of the Lazy Eye?"

Why is it when you feel like Tim Roth shouting at a guy who just lost an ear, variables always seem to get thrown at you that prevents relief, even on your day off? I am assuming bronchitis, so my high alcohol tolerance preventing me from trying to get a hang over to spew the ills away is Mr. Blonde bullshit. "Escape from New York" being too good to be background noise, thus demanding my total attention preventing me from writing this blog, is Mr. Pink saying I won't get the medical care I need (we'll call that sleep). Hopefully my go to audio ambiance, the Tiny Lister classic "Men of War," will at least shut Chris Penn up, and finishing this blog for eternal (I wish) slumber will be Mr. White's bullet.

For more metaphors related to "Reservoir Dogs," ask about seeing the treatment for "Main Event of the Dead," my pro-wrestling zomcom screenplay. russthebus07@gmail.com

This would be a great place to transition to talking about the subject matter of this eventual edition to the "Rip 'Em System" Tublr, but I do want to address "The Art of Wrestling with CM Punk and Colt Cabana," that I'm still trying to download. The WWE "workers" need to get their shit together and form a union. I'm fairly certain the quotes I've read about the WWE's denial or ignorance of the actual state of their talents' health are true. To clarify, this ignorance is probably directed to the workers with voices that the company does not want to be heard.

Dolph Ziggler and Miz get all of the time off to recover from a concussion since they ride with the physician. These guys are also products of WWE, not the indie scene, so they've been developed by the McMahons to be the sports entertainers they want to showcase despite they can't pull up to Punks kick pad (maybe lace up is the correct term, I got mine through Highspots or Century instead of eLucha.

I'm not saying that Ziggler and Miz aren't talented. Ziggler's athleticism is outstanding which is his downfall because it seems to be the emphasis of his offense. It just seems sloppy because he wants to execute every one of his signature moves too fast. This may just be a personal preference since I seem to be the minority. Most of my fellow veterans of the squared circle (a Barry Horowitz moment) opinions coincide with the majority. The Miz is awe...inspiring on the mic which is why I loved his tag team with John Morrison. Mike could sell the true talent, like he's doing with Mizdow.

Still, these two performers work so hard to be social network relevant, you'd expect they'd be capable of doing the socially responsible thing and support a union to assure the safety and proper compensation that all of their fellow "Superstars" deserve. The workers have no other options when it comes to making a celebrity-style living. Unless CM Punk fights AJ Styles for the command of the Bullet Club, there is no competing promotion to work for that give the performers leverage.

Vince McMahon may not go for dealing with a union, but if all the talent joins, he'll have to rely on his subpar writing to get over subpar wrestlers. I think the 18 to 35 is still his target demographic, so he'd better be ready to return to Saturday mornings curtain jerking for figure skating and gymnastics, hoping for a bump from "The Mighty Morphing Power Rangers." In the end, Jerry Lawler would become the head of talent relations as every non-union athlete prepares for his General Mills cereal box gimmick.

Or should I have said Post because of their established relationship with Fruity Pebbles?

http://barbershopwindow.com

Perhaps my proposal of a union wouldn't have been needed if Hollywood would have capitalized on the home video market during the boom in wrestling. Why wasn't there a "Planet of the Samoans" franchise developed between Wrestlemania and Wrestlemania XVII? Could you imagine the reboot when the you cast the Rock as Cesar?

Give me some props for the round about way of getting to what I really wanted to write about this week.

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