NinetyForChill: The #Podcast - Christopher Lambert: There Can Be Only One Definitive Podcast*

NinetyForChill.com: The #Podcast

Episode 74: Christopher Lambert: There Can Be Only One Definitive Podcast* (From a Central Illinois-based podcaster).

Christopher Lambert: There Can Be Only One Definitive Podcast*

June 28, 2022

*Cool Movies Darth does not claim that this episode of NinetyForChill: The #Podcast is the end-all-be-all audio documentation of Christopher Lambert's career. CM Darth reviews two of his favorite Lambert sub 100-minute movies (Stuart Gordon's "Fortress" and Paul W.S. Anderson's "Mortal Kombat"), the film that spawned his most renowned franchise "Highlander", and, because all of the sequels qualify, "Highlander III".

Allow me to get out of third-person. Happy Prof. Shurtleff of Illinois Central College? I (CM Darth) will try not to make so much light of violent death in this summation. This is my declaration of changing perspective. 

While we are contextualizing, please forgive me for the spelling error in the promotional picture. It was a pain enough trying to get one of my cats in the mood to pose (They did not.). Spell checking was not a priority. That maybe something Corel Clip Studio Paint should incorporate into their program.

This is another episode that was pulled out of no where. We had a guest scheduled this week to provide the audience with a weird double feature (the indie wrestling mockumentary "Kayfabe" and Edgar Wright's "Shaun of the Dead"), but that guest was a no show. Thus, I decided to go to four comfort films I own that all happened to star legally blind, French-American actor Christopher Lambert.

Two of the features were originally meant to be part of season three of Ally's Accessories Shop on Etsy Trash Feature Revue but with "Fortress" to represent "F" and "Highlander: The Final Dimension" representing "H", I would probably have resorted to find a Lambert movie for "G".

The only feature that would immediately qualify for that letter was "Gunmen". I think one feature with Mario Van Peebles as his costar is enough. But, it would be fun to try and watch a movie that also featured Patrick Stewart and Dennis Leary as villains.

My guest cancelled on Thursday, so I only had four nights to get all these movies in. So, the films in this episode are addressed in the order that I watched them. Trying to crusade against YouTube's sponsorship of GOP Fascist Rodney Davis, I immediately took to recording the reviews onto Audacity. The result is me not worrying about trying to get them under 2 minutes 18 seconds (the time Twitter would allow me to upload) and just talk and edit accordingly.

"Fortress" was the first film of the binge. I do not know why, but I never associated it with Stuart Gordon. This was probably the first Gordon feature I saw (Cinemax was a little more open to showing that in the late 90s over "From Beyond" or "Re-Animator".), and being on late night cable did not allow me to give it my full attention. Upon this rewatch, that assessment was unfair.

If "Total Recall" was not camp enough for you, Stuart Gordon makes up for it. The only thing the cast is missing is Barbara Crampton. You have Vernon Wells (best remembered as Bennett in "Commando"), Clifton Collins Jr. while he was still Clifton Gonzalez Gonzalez, Kurtwood Smith before he was Red Foreman, and Gordon stallworth Jeffry Combs as a hippie. It still has the body horror that you expect from the patron saint of the podcast and a lot of unexpected nudity from both sexes. "Fortress" is a piece of fried VHS gold.

Because I shared a gif from the film on my Twitter profile (@catbusruss) asking for a guest to chat about it, "Mortal Kombat" made it to this episode. I will stand by this feature being better than the fun 2021 video game adaptation, but when you have Chinese monks being in awe of a white European thunder god, this is a product of its time. Still, the latest version of the property could have benefited by having a Rayden with a notable laugh like Lambert's. BD Wong would be my choice.

Imagine We Still Had VHS: "Black Lagoon" Episodes 1-3

*This blog post was started on June 22, 2022.

If you are looking for insight into my life right now, I think you are better off listening to my podcast, "NinetyForChill.com: The #Podcast". Without a guest for this past week, you get to hear everything about me that has been on my mind. This includes my war with YouTube over the abundance of advertisements for hateful, racist, and fascist Congressman Rodney Davis.

Today, one of the ads put ahead of WrestleTalk's content (They are based out of the UK, so I cannot fault them for Republican advertisements during their videos.) was for Google's Mental Health Awareness channels. You cannot have it both ways Alphabet. If you promote someone who approves child murder and the Blue Lives Matter flag on top of wanting to take reproductive rights away from women, you cannot turn around and say, "watch a video to feel better." You can fuck right off.

Needless to say, I am not going out of my way to create content for YouTube. Thank you Alphabet for allowing to run down this Windows 10 laptop. The credit is there right now to get myself a Mac.

My war with tech monopolies goes beyond Android. I think Twitter is boycotting any links that do not have a full file name (html/php) that involves death. How am I suppose to promote my primary blog, "Main Event of the Dead" (maineventofthedead.com)? Is Elon Musk calling for an end to zombie movies? Is this a conspiracy to show Mark Zuckerberg has some understanding of being human since I can promote my website on that platform.

Alphabet has given Rodney Davis $10,000 in campaign donations. Technology is going to destroy my new home. I do not need anymore irony in my life. Champaign/Urbana is where the Internet started. My Congressmen is going to use technology to destroy it.

At least this rant gives me a transition to the anime review. "Black Lagoon" is a series that is celebrated for its violence and humor, at least on Looper and Watch Mojo, but rarely do they tell you the perspective that you are suppose to assume when you watch. That is of an early 20-something who is fed up with corporate life. If you are fed up with expectations of Western society, this series seems tailor made for you.

Pinterest @Valkyriaz_

Black Lagoon: Episode 1-3

Rokuro Okajima is a 25 year-old salaried employee at a major Japanese corporation. It was what you are to aspire to do as a Japanese man, and to succeed at this, you are expected to take orders and go through all the motions be it excessive bowing or excessive drinking to appease the higher ups. The latter expectations will be addressed later. As for the prior being taking orders, Okajima's latest task is to transport a disc to an organization with questionable motivations. Following orders to advance may lead to a sense of naivety. So he is caught by surprise when pirates decide to take him hostage.

Well, the pirates did not mean to take him hostage. The crew's loose cannon Revy wants to make a little extra money from Rokuro's company. She fails to realize that they have already written off their employee and has gone straight to mercenaries to reclaim the disc at any cost. At least Rokuro has gotten an honorary promotion and assurances that his funeral will be paid by the company.

Not wanting to die has given Rokuro's a new perspective towards his life. He has decided to fight with his captors to save his own neck. If he can get out of this scrape, perhaps he has new job opportunities ahead of him. All he has to do is figure out how to destroy a heavily armored helicopter with the Black Lagoon, a PT Boat with a couple of torpedoes and an anti-tank rifle.

"Black Lagoon's" first hour is engaging television. Anime fans (at least American ones) are the type who will shun traditional values, so to have a protagonist who knows its the right thing to do is ideal. The first episode has fun in pointing out how messed up the Japanese business culture is, so the viewer is further encouraged to despise it and yearn for freedom. It is classic escapism, but rarely do we have the actual opportunity to escape.

The beauty of the story is that it presents the risks to find the freedom we all desperately want. With these risks, the audience has to consider if one can really ignore them to accept a chance to be free of the perceived responsibilities. As the violence mounts, you feel like you have to take the plunge and forget about your past and realize where you should be. "Black Lagoon" nails that narrative and gets you pumped for the next episode.

After the first hour, it seems to just be your typical action anime. That is not an insult, just the truth. To get to know the supporting characters of Capt. Dutch, Revi, and Benny, we need half hour adventures. If it is like the best anime TV shows, by the half way point, the over arching story is established, and all these brief tales will pay off. This is two seasons and an OVA series, so it is a safe assumption that the series will be hard to turn off. Damn bed times.

To make this series even sweeter, the art style is solid and looks oh so shiny. Usually I am turned off by bright colors, preferring a subdued, straight from the manga frame feel. Since anime became mainstream in the States, brightness feels like an accommodation to Western audiences who expect Disney quality. But this is not a sweet little Adult Swim first hour show. This is a series that celebrates violence to the point of excess. To see it in glorious color is a nice treat.

Add in a excellent soundtrack and it is hard not to let this series gets its hooks into you. It makes it feel like a "Persona" game, so you will be inspired to just put the opening theme on loop.

Humor, violence, and great tunes is what a fun simpleton (per @mainawamaina707 on Twitter) is easily pleased by. "Black Lagoon" delivers on all of these. It is not overly complicated or meta, just a simple narrative that knows what its audience dreams of.

I suppose since its is anime, it could use a little more fan service. But if you are not turned on by an angry chick wiping out a fleet of pirates, kink shaming you seems fair to me.

NinetyForChill: The #Podcast - Ally Presents: Puppets, Emo Vampires, and Christian Metaphors

NinetyForChill.com: The #Podcast

Episode 73: Ally Presents: Puppets, Emo Vampires, and Christian Metaphors (Either scary by intent or scary by quality).

Ally Presents: Puppets, Emo Vampires, and Christian Metaphors

June 21, 2022

NinetyForChill.com returns to Ally's Accessories Shop on Etsy's Trash Feature Revue to provide you with opinions on DVDs whose values will not be affected by inflation. Cool Movies Darth takes us on a journey of traditional horror, no budget indies, and whatever Dark Castle Entertainment claims to be scary. This episode addresses the Full Moon Features' classic "Puppet Master", a vampire-fad character study in "Quench", the too vulgar for PureFlix "The Reaping", and a low definition attempt to cross Faust with Palahniuk in "Shadow Hours".

Allow me to get out of third-person. Happy Prof. Shurtleff of Illinois Central College? I (CM Darth) will try not to make so much light of violent death in this summation. This is my declaration of changing perspective. 

I am still adjusting to the concept of a guest every other week. There are fears that the bloom has worn off this rose of a podcast. People have lives, so no time to dedicate one's self to creative endeavors. Perhaps there are folks who just want to add being on the show as a resume builder. At least I know people are getting something out of the podcast.

The blame for my issues adjusting to listening to solely my voice is YouTube. After inadvertently getting the Cool Movies Darth Channel verified, there is no pressure to get my shorter videos under the 15-minute ceiling. With wanting to provide close to a half hour of content at the very least per week, episodes have to be over 22 minutes (TV standards). Thus, I need to put more movies into the solo shows.

Because of the need for movies, I am running through the alphabet a lot faster than I did last year. Ally's Accessories Shop on Etsy Trash Feature Revue will be wrapped up next month at this rate. It was a stressful but rewarding exercise to determine how to come up with themed episodes in its stead. Still, there is disappointment that I cannot rally three guests a month.

Do I need to just go out and ask for a permanent co-host? That maybe easier than getting a girlfriend.

Pardon me for not introducing "Puppet Master" before I went through that head trip. The trailer above for "Quench" just fit the mood of that rant better. That film may just hit me in the right spots because of similarities in my life to the story. It is a flick about looking for a place to belong. I am just glad I was too affluent to get into the "Twilight" fad despite my Hot Topic Credit Card.

"Puppet Master" was a film I was excited to see because it is what trash features are suppose to be. The premise of sentient, vengeful puppets on a low budget just promises fun. Was it? It could have been better, but I am ready for "Puppet Master 2". We may end up with an episode dedicated to the franchise because Ally bought me a nine-movie pack (12 if you count the "Killjoy" movies).

So we have a movie that I wanted to see and a film that I was a fan of 12 years prior. This episode is a blast to the past because the letter R was represented by Dark Castle Entertainment's "The Reaping", a film that I did not exactly enjoy on my first date with the second most former girlfriend.

After enduring "Gothika", my fears of flashbacks to the worst times of my two years with Cindy Tanney (She stalked me online before, so she digs the name drop.) were put to the back burner. The Dark Castle logo just automatically left a bad taste in my mouth. It explained everything and I cannot say it helped to improve my opinion of another movie where Idris Elba cannot keep his accent in check. 

But, to Dark Castle's credit, I initially wanted this episode to focus on letters P-T. Desperate to find a T-flick, I resigned to "Thir13een Ghosts" and was pleasantly surprised. If you are interested, email me if you want to chat about this production company's library for 40 minutes. Send your email to russthebus07@gmail.com.

NinetyForChill: The #Podcast - The Rubberface Jim Carrey vs. ThePoeticCritic

NinetyForChill.com: The #Podcast

Episode 72: The Rubberface Jim Carrey vs. ThePoeticCritic (A thorough tribute to the last megastar).

ThePoeticCritic versus The Rubber Face: Jim Carrey

June 14, 2022

ThePoeticCritic returns to the podcast to give a thorough analysis of the sub 100-minute filmography of Jim Carrey. Cool Movie Darth considers the actor/comedian to be the last superstar of cinema. This episode tries to address the impact of TPC's second favorite North American actor and how movies have/will change without a name that draws people to the big screen.

Allow me to get out of third-person. Happy Prof. Shurtleff of Illinois Central College? I (CM Darth) will try not to make so much light of violent death in this summation. This is my declaration of changing perspective. 

Now, I am in a tough spot. When it comes to American actors, ThePoeticCritic holds few higher than Jeff Goldblum and Jim Carrey. Thus, if I do not have a guest when I need one (every other week), I cannot count on calling up my big sister to fill in on a whim. It is even more important to depend on guests. This leaves me tempted to bring in my recorder to my next therapy section and see what comes from that.

To avoid that awkwardness, feel free to email russthebus07@gmail.com with a movie, theme, director, or actor. As long as you can focus on sub 100-minute narratives, we can create some podcast gold. If the 74-99 minute parameters seem to narrow, just offer me your favorite movie, and I will come up with a way to talk about it. "Spaceballs" is code for "Star Wars". "Caddyshack" leads to "Ghostbusters", and of course, bust'n makes me feel good.

This is an episode where the knowledge of my guest shines through. ThePoeticCritic was set on covering all possible Carrey movies that qualify for NinetyForChill.com. I do not know if I was remotely ready for that, and unfortunately, reality can limit one's time to play catch up.

This ended up being a costly podcast. To see one of the most important features to my big sister, "The Cable Guy", I once again had to subscribe to Starz. That channel should be my background noise, but YouTube is still my addiction. Of course, Starz will not be promoting fascist Illinoisan politicians like Rodney Davis or Richard Irvin, so the network may deserve more respect than I give them. Then again, where's "American Gods: Season 4"?

"The Cable Guy" really makes me want to revisit "Zoolander". You see that Ben Stiller has an excellent eye as a director never mind his comedic wisdom. My only complaint is that I would have chosen a better soundtrack. If the movie is not about music in the late 1990s or early 2000s, you got to be more selective about what tunes are played. Just because there is shooting in basketball does not mean Filter's "Hey Man Nice Shot" is appropriate.

The biggest slip up with this podcast is that I failed to watch "The Truman Show" stem to stern. We set up the podcast on Thursday and we recorded on Saturday. My cats have been great about letting me sleep in, so I was off Friday, but did not get much time to binge features. I ended up making a trip to Disc Replay in Champaign to help with my research, but in the end, I only had time for "The Number 23". 45 minutes into that flick, the fun I was having was figuring out weirder 23 observations.

The Official Poster of the 75th Festival de Cannes

45 minutes -> 45 was Michael Jordan's baseball number -> Jordan's best known for number 23.

45 minutes -> 4 + 5 = 9 -> The square (2) root of 9 is 3.

Give Me the Prize: Download that Queen Song and the NEW Disgruntled's Interim Champion

Give Me the Prize: Download that Queen Song and the NEW Disgruntled's Interim Champion 

*Blog post was started on June 10, 2022.

I am in a relatively good mood. It turns out that all of my stress may have been based out of financial concerns, but I ended up figuring that out. There is still a need to address my parents when it comes to what they are expecting from their 42 year-old son with no kids and a job that just pays enough but does not offer a retirement (The stock market is killing me right now as I stick around $1..., best not let Experian google me.).

Of course, trying to get home to do that when your job does not offer a set schedule can be a challenge. With Fan Expo coming up soon, I need to find out who is babysitting my big sister, so I guess I just have to deal with the gas prices. There is enough credit to get a scooter out right, but that does not necessarily build my credit?

I got to get my mind off of the money. This is something that I had just conquered. Live in the present I suppose.

And this present has lead us to a time where we are actually going to crown an Interim Men's World Champion. It is probably going to be a simple exercise, but with my brain, I can probably over complicate it.

The Actual Disgruntled's Men's World Heavyweight Champion

The most recent DRCW Interim Championship was established after Seth Rollins cashed in Money in the Bank. This reign is included in the Disgruntled's Real Men's World Championship title history, but this was the second time that I declared a Money in the Bank cash in part of the history. It is a cowardly way to earn the championship, because of that, I, as the Disgruntled, negated the other 19 people who have won this way.

With hindsight being 20/20 (One more reason why we should have known to wear mask and get vaccinated. The year told us to think of 1918.), I went back to offer alternative champions. Tony Khan is making the wise decision to state his own interim champion, but for a mark, we have four other champions who may be better than a soon to be glorified number one contender. Thus, it is time to figure out who is the current champion in waiting.

Is it ROH World Champion Jonathan Gresham?

I would say it was being handled well as a traveling world champion before Tony Khan purchased Ring of Honor. This is an excellent celebration of independent wrestling, harkening back to how the NWA World Championship operated before WCW. Of course the times between WCW and TNA and TNA and Billy Corgan buying the NWA, the luster was lost.

With Khan purchasing Ring of Honor, until the promotion establishes some kind of schedule, I suspect we will only see Gresham on "Battle of the Belts" events. To pay proper respect to the championship, the shows on TNT needs to be expanded to two hours.

Anyhow, Khan already had a world champion available. Why did he not just bring ROH into the fold as CM Punk mends? Gresham could be your top champion as we waited for Punk's comeback. It makes your purchase look great and more importantly meaningful. You could have your schmoz champion versus champion match instead of a unification. Everyone looks good. Instead, ROH is an after thought.

Is it NWA World Champion Matt Cardona?

With him being injured right now, I could see Billy Corgan looking for his own interim champion. That would seem tacky. Cardona being the top indie heel right now, it maybe wise to let his hold the undisputed NWA top guy and not name an interim champ or strip him of the championship. You want to see the heel get his comeuppance, not valiantly challenge for a championship. Letting him be an inactive champion makes us want to see him lose THE title even more.

Pinterest @ecokichi

Is it IWGP World Champion Kazuchika Okada?

He is definitely the number two champion behind CM Punk. I think his title reign has been great, but I think it is best to let him be the man arguing to be champion instead being the champion.

Think of it as, why did AEW not have number one ranked Jon Moxley face number two ranked Wardlow to settle it? There would be no drama, so you need someone to claim they are not being recognized. AEW is doing that anyhow with Adam Cole and Adam Page feuding over who gets to take on the other world champion.

Is it WWE Undisputed Universal Champion Roman Reigns?

Roman Reigns is only a better performer than one of the three other world champions. That statement scares me because it suggest that Cardona will betray the indies like Cody Rhodes because he is also from the WWE system.

With this kind of opinion of him, he seems appropriate to be this champion except, I do not see him losing this championship until summer 2023. AEW is the best booked championship, so they will always offer a better man than Reigns. Thus, he will never get to shake this interim belt off.

Tony Khan needs to screw up for this to change. I would say that is inevitable, but I am not up to placing a bet on that. Anyhow, I am happy with Fan Duel. Fuck Draft Kings.

The Disgruntled's Interim Men's World Champion is: Kazuchika Okada.

With AEW wanting to determine an Interim World Champion, it means the champion must be around to defend the belt. I do not know why Roman Reigns has a lightened schedule since I have not heard of movies or reality TV shows in the work. Thus, he is not around to fulfill the wishes of Disgruntled fans. Further cementing his status as the DRCW Modern Poser Champion.

Another week and another WWE burial. The more things change, the more they stay the same. And I got two weeks before therapy to determine if things are good or bad. Gods, I need a social life...

Or at least a guest for "NinetyForChill.com: The #Podcast". If you want to be on the show, send an email to russthebus07@gmail.com. All I need is a theme, movie, director, or actor to chat about. The only restriction on films is that the narrative must conclude in 1 hour 39 minutes 59 seconds. If there is a post credit scene after that time, it does not qualify.

Do not worry wresting fans. With my drinking during the show, wrestling rants end up being a feature, not a bug.

NinetyForChill: The #Podcast - Mark L. Lester Week: Class of 1984 & Class of 1999

NinetyForChill.com: The #Podcast

Episode 71: Mark L. Lester Week: Class of 1984 & Class of 1999 (And why school shooters ruined high school exploitation cinema).

Mark L. Lester Week: Class of 1984 and Class of 1999

June 7, 2022

This week we celebrate almost all of the Mark L. Lester films that Cool Movies Darth has gotten a hold of. For Night 2 of Lester week, we hear CM Darth's takes on the director's high school/McDowell/McDowall exploitation pictures, "Class of 1984" and "Class of 1999".

Allow me to get out of third-person. Happy Prof. Shurtleff of Illinois Central College? I (CM Darth) will try not to make so much light of violent death in this summation. This is my declaration of changing perspective. 

When you prioritize films that may never get a proper HD release, every Netflix DVD that arrives is a surprise. Sometimes you get that "very long wait" disc from New Jersey. Sometimes you get something that Disc Replay has so many copies of, they are trying to liquidate the title for a buck. Do you think I would pay more than a dollar to rent the worst looking James Bond feature, "Die Another Day"? I felt like a humanitarian taking those discs off that reseller's hand.

The latest arrival was from Ohio and it was Mark L. Lester's "Class of 1999". I once thought that Lester was the Michael Bay of the 1980s since his most famous movie is "Commando". My favorite feature of his is the over-the-top buddy cop movie "Showdown in Little Tokyo". Both of these features have ridiculous premises (Arnold Schwarzenegger is as lovable as he is invincible and Dolph Lundgren is the samurai and Brandon Lee is the surfer.) and were more focused on presenting outrageous violence and one liners.

I did know the first movie that brought him notoriety was 1982's "Class of 1984". It had a cult following like any other movie Alice Cooper was involved with in the 80s, so when I found it on iTunes for $4.99, it had to be placed in my collection.

This was not as easy a decision as you would expect because "Ally Accessories Shop on Etsy's Trash Feature Revue" did lead me to watch his 2010 feature "Groupie". I knew he made shut your brain off action movies, but this Great White (the band) exploitation movie made me realize that he had asperations to carry on the legacy of Roger Corman.

"Groupie" was such a struggle and finding out the last two films he directed were called "Dragons of Camelot" and "Poseidon Rex", I was in no rush to delve back into his catalogue. This obviously is not fair to him. After revisiting "The New York Ripper", we know I am always interested in justifying exploitation. With no guest this week, Netflix made it time to watch the exploitation film with Michael J. Fox, "Class of 1984".

This feature was a lot smarter than I thought it was going to be. I was expecting a shiny version of "Class of Nuke 'Em High", but it is actually a very cerebral flick that makes its shop class finale even more satisfying.