Saturday, January 31, 2015

Triple H: Were You Inspired by Kurt Fuller in No Holds Barred?

Thank the gods for the little time I have to write this. I never thought I'd find a bright side to the 30 or so cheap cell phone sale representative to constantly shuttle to a steak house for a Christmas party in the midst of an inevitable winter storm.

I fear I did not learn from history (maybe that qualifies me for WWE creative) because I should have known the forecast could only be accompanied by independent Verizon shysters (if that Bo Dallas gimmick gets dropped, how about IVS? Tablets are big enough to use as a weapon). Screw Africa in terms of who needs to know when Christmas is.

The lack of time means I have a greater amount of time to think about a tenth chapter for my "No Holds Barred" themed Tumblr. Since the wrestling industry (can we really call the indies industrious? I'll buy a lot of stock if PWG or AAW goes public), is in a worse shape than the World Television Network, would my scarred mind allow for anything else?

So, hopefully Mr. Austin can remedy some of my mental anguish. If he wants to try and take care of all it, which I think showing some support for my wrestling zombie/comedy "Main Event of the Dead" may help, he can e-mail me at russthebus07@gmail.com. If Mr. Austin or any of my readers want a screenplay treatment to look over to truly know what I need help in promoting, feel free to use the same e-mail address.

Dear Steve,

Thank you for the opportunity to submit this question for your live podcast with Triple H. You have one of the most giving podcast when it comes to entertaining your listeners. It may be said that no one can make audio chicken salad out of chicken scratch better than you do.

My question is:


Russ Stevens
@MainEventZombie
http://maineventofthedead.com

Saturday, January 24, 2015

Zeus for the WWE Hall of Fame! The Pro-Wrestling Movie Star Hall of Fame

After the induction of "Macho Man" Randy Savage, is there anyone living that has a universal scream of support to get into the WWE Hall of Fame? If you go through the promotion's world heavyweight championship history, Ivan Koloff, Diesel and Sid are the only champions prior to the Monday Night War who aren't in the Hall and are relatively inactive talents.

Ivan Koloff would probably be the best option, but maybe they're waiting for Mania to be in the Southeast again and put him in with Nikita. Sid Viscous is years away (perhaps before Michael Hayes). Was was British music outlawed in the locker rooms of Bill Watts and the Crocketts? Kevin Nash may make it as compensation for the entire contract suspension. It's good to be Paul Levesque's friend because Vince McMahon would stubbornly try to get him inducted as "Big Daddy Cool" no matter how single-named wrestlers make the hall seem tacky.

I guess tackiness is actually a celebratory status in wrestling. Lita isn't in as Amy Dumas, Edge isn't Adam Copeland, and Sunny and Yokozuna were just tacky gimmicks. That's why I appreciate it when a woman wrestler comes from Shimmer or Shine. At least I know there is a Brittany Knight behind the Paige.

Tammy Sytch was a great manager, but the name came with the gimmick that inspired Chris Candido's moniker. So if security takes your sign away, tell them to respect the dead (and CM Punk). Yokozuna was a Samoan portraying a Japanese champion. How can you not call that tacky? I'm just saying it's tacky to just be associated with a foreign word instead of owning it. Why not THE Yokozuna? Ed Farhat was THE Shiek. At least that way we at least try to discover the meaning instead of the word just thinking it was just a foreign sounding name. If it can educate the youth, you have to be for it.

With tacky being what pro-wrestling is all about, you have to be behind the "Celebrity Wing" of the Hall. If we can't come up with any living wrestlers to at least add some speeches to the ceremony, and not take the spot light off Savage, lets turn to the (relatively) untrained. But, I'm at a lost when we start thinking of possibilities.

Maria Menounos is hosting this year's Hall of Fame Ceremony. I think Pee Wee Herman will need to enter the Rumble to earn the merit. Jeremy Piven is three months from needing to promote "Entourage." I don't know about Seth Green since I don't know when the next "Robot Chicken" season is to air (and I thought "Game of Thrones" was the only reason I may need to get Xfinity).

I have checked Netflix (and that was the extent of it) and the choice for the celebrity inductee is simple, Tommy "Tiny" Lister, the costar of "No Holds Barred."

The man who played Zeus should actually be the face of the celebrity wing of the WWE Hall of Fame. This man's stardom is owed to WWE Films, and since the WWE is all about celebrating itself it makes perfect sense. Self congratulation Vince McMahon would probably like because of his resistance towards the Savage induction. It would also be a nice cherry on top of the Macho sundae because he was Macho King's only true tag partner.

The only celebrity more deserving of the Hall of Fame is Keith David. He is a constant narration contributor to the WWE ("The Monday Night Wars" in particular). More importantly, with Roddy Piper, was part of the greatest fight scene in all of movie history from "John Carpenter's They Live."

The Pro-Wrestling Movie Star Hall of Fame (Class of 2015):

See the conclusion to this blog at Rip 'Em System Tumblr.
https://ripemsystem.blogspot.com/2019/02/zeus-for-wwe-hall-of-fame-pro-wrestling.html


Saturday, January 17, 2015

No Holds Barred: Mr. America vs Roman The Shockmaster

The original title of this blog was suppose to be "Why Mr. America Should Have Starred in No Holds Barred." It wasn't my wittiest blog title, but it allowed me to jump right into the subject matter instead of transitioning from a rant about how the readers need to demand local promotions (from Minneapolis/St. Paul to Paducah, from St. Louis (Illinois Side to Cleveland) start booking me because that's the only thing which will motivate me to hit the gym and get into better shape.

I've never liked salad, and I'm not going to start.

Sorry for the minimal rant, but it could have been a lot worse, like three story-line terminations bad. Eric Rowan isn't established enough to be taken off TV and now Ryback's push won't end with him doing the favor for Alexander Rusev.

With an inability to know who to protect and who to direct towards Japan to understand true strong-style, it's no wonder that they cannot build there next superstar. Maybe it's because they're out to create the next super hero for the kids. Why else would they keep Roman Reigns in a SWAT team outfit instead of wrestling gear? If John Cena cannot be sold to the yuppie guppies in tights, why make their other guys wear them? And why must WWE make it apparent that Dean Ambrose has peaked? Did Vince McMahon want to tease the IWC by not letting him return to Lycra?

So why am I suggesting that Hulk Hogan have dawned the pseudo-Steve Rogers cowl if the last thing we need is a Super Hero? Because full-blown heroes are over. And could you have imagined the pop the Hulkster could have gotten with that gimmick if he had already established it?

Check out the rest of the blog at the "Rip 'Em System" Tublr.

Saturday, January 3, 2015

Cesaro Needs a "No Holds Barred" Sequel/AAW One Twisted Christmas

It's tough to be humorous at the end of the year. I suppose we've burned through all the humor by the twelve-month point. Hence, at a milestone like that, we find it best to just put out our year in review. Thus, the initial thought for this blog was to write "10 Things from 2014 that were worse than 'No Holds Barred,'" but it wouldn't be a compare and contrast. It would just be me bitching about:
  • The idiocy of having a feud between two people with the exact same of DNA (I bet one has highlighted hair so the E! News talking heads could tell them apart).
  • The "Ryback Isn't that Dangerous" PR tour (and Chris Jericho's hypocrisy).
  • How come an injured champion was stripped of their title for failing to defend it in two months while a healthy one doesn't have to defend theirs for four (I already have the kayfabe answer, but that's like stating why there were obviously black stormtroopers)?
Fortunately, I remembered that I had just finally gotten around to watching "Jackie Brown," starring Tiny "Zeus" Lister, instead of drinking in downtown P-Town, fearing the concept of making conversation with old high school relations I never had anything in common with.

Sorry Pittsburgh and Philadelphia, but only Peoria, Illinois, can claim to be the one and only P-Town. It was Kurt Angle who noted on the April 23, 2002 taping of "Smackdown" that the city's name sounds like a urinary (a pee) infection. Since my a Yinzer made the argument, my hometown claim shant be disputed.

Why Haven't We Gotten the Next Tiny Lister?

I know, there will be a lot of people who probably say the first time they remember seeing Lister as a pivotal character was in "Friday" portraying the antagonist, Deebo. And I'm certain they're lying. Lister had many supporting roles, but did he ever get a poster until NHB? You couldn't ignore the coverage wrestling (cable's powerhouse programming until people started paying $16.95 for HBO) gave him. He may have never been on "Saturday Night Live," but he was on "Saturday's Nights Main Event." Good or bad, NHB did a lot for his career in entertainment. This man is the absolute go to when a director needs an intimidating black heavy or planetary president (regardless of color), all because he was in a WWE Films' release.

Check out the rest of the blog at the "Rip 'Em System" Tumblr.