Dogs and Cats (and Foster Care Eunuchs) Are for Satire

ASSASSINS!!! Check out the 2019 Eddie Izzard Wunderbar to see the best statement in satire this year, perhaps the past three. The remaining June dates are:

Sun 6/9 in Dallas, TX
6/10 and 6/11 in Austin, TX
Wed 6/12 in San Antonio, TX
Fri 6/14 in Houston, TX
Sat 6/15 in Tulsa, OK
Sun 6/16 in Oklahoma City
6/18 and 6/19 in Denver, CO
Thur 6/20 in Salt Lake City, UT
6/22 and 6/23 in Phoenix, AZ
Tues 6/25 in San Diego, CA
6/26 to 6/29 in Los Angeles, CA
Get more information at TicketMaster.com or EddieIzzard.com.

The plug for the wisest comedian will be understood by the end of the blog.

It kind of felt like a tough week for me, as I had predicted in the blog "Armed Response" or The Turd Seth Could Not Polish". Monday (Memorial Day), I thought I had a pretty clever joke, but it turned out that many thought it was in the same vein as the jokes that James Gunn had made before being a Marvel Master.

• Is it wrong to suggest spaying/neutering #children in the foster care system as a way of solving future pipulation issues? If it works for #cats and #dogs...
• After finding a spelling error in my last tweet (i and o are next to each other), I realize @realDonaldTrump is just stupid. With those tiny hands, how can he press wrong keys?
• If you want to practice #satire, it might be wise to get an LLC for yourself. That way you can place a "does not reflect" asterisk.

Of course, no one got on me over my rant on Twitter (oh for the days of attention for calling gun owners cowards), which made all the negative feedback coming from people more familiar (or very familiar) with me, my Facebook "friends". When you think you know people, or you hope that they are not as dense as they always seem to be.

You figure the satire was implied when you suggest something awful with cats and dogs

The rest of the week was all centered around the Eddie Izzard show at the Chase Chicago Theatre, so there was a lot of driving and walking about that makes you feel accomplished and worn. I figured that sleeping through Friday evening and night, I could face anything. An overstaffed check out line at the retailer Saturday morning, my demeanor was good.

And then along came a guest and his dog.

I just picked up dinner at the hotel next door, and do you know what they charge for pets? You better reduce it or waive it or corporate will get blown up in the morning and we are taking our business to...Do you know how much business we can give you? You can fix it.Sir the company owns that hotel is the same and they know the...
No. Just change it. I will call corporate.This has nothing to do with corporate. A lower fee...
No. Just change it.A lower fee for smaller rooms.
What? A little extra vacuuming.I will run it up to management again.
You let me know what happens. My room is...
I know your room number.

If trying to handle a guest complaining about a party going on in the room above him during the afternoon and evening (he asked for a late check out, so I doubt a nap was on his agenda) while not expelling the problematic guests when he got back to the hotel at 9:40 pm wasn't going to get me fired, perhaps rejecting management's policy by charging the pet less will. Neither should, but the politics and staffing does not make that result fear worthy.

Entitlement sucks. If we tried to kick out the guests who felt they were entitled to ruin another guest's night because they had paid for the room, we would be on Black Twitter. The only staff that is white works evening (weekends) or night audit. If we try to be the law, we are at risk of our job. That would be the first time I would say, "Lets really research this incident before labeling them Hotel Harold?"

Really, I should not complain about camera phones when you know you are treating assholes the way they deserve to be. If the customer service career is killed, I will either resigned to settling in with the girlfriend or moving abroad. Missouri, Louisiana, Georgia, Kentucky and Ohio seem foreign enough. Only trouble is my writing would have to be totally based on deception. Right wing outlets would be the only ones cool with me.

Entitlement seems to shake its fist the most when children (a party with a shit-ton of kids) or pets are involved. I say, screw population control and just tell people to not be pricks. Treating children like pets might put everything in order.

If you want to throw a party for your kids, $125 a kid. That would have solved one problem last night. It sucks to take away a chance for the poor to feel like they obtained the same status as the guys who get free rooms for being wealthy, but you gotta act like them to keep it. It is a role, not an outlet for expression.

As for neutering children, if you are a bad example, do I want them to follow you?

I am kind of pissed at myself for seemingly letting the dog douche duffel bag (alliteration) of lightly. Because of that, I guess he should be mandated to leave the pup at home. If the puppy was from a shelter, they lack the equipment. Hotels are for breeding motions. Cannot breed, cannot stay. You can quote my better half on that.

Forgot to pick up condoms.
Fuck YOU!

The biggest problem with pets is that you expect everyone else to put up with them. If they can clean themselves, maybe I would not be so harsh. Sadly, monkeys throw their poop, so the next step down the rung tells me Fido is not going to bag his own shit.

In the end, maybe that is why you cannot spay or neuter foster children. They can do the things that make them better than puppies. Then again:

Do You Want Unsullied? Because This is How You Get Unsullied!