Video Games Cannot be Sacred

Current mood: lethargic

Just picked a couple of titles for the Wii, but I am still determine to work through the sadly addictive nature of "WWE: Smackdown vs. Raw 2008" before I put that on the GameStop trade in pile (If I could get more than $11 buck for it, you'd see it on Half.com). I say sadly addicting because what ever drug it could be compared to, they cut the hell out of it.

Not one to end the night playing video games (kinda promised Stacia that a long time ago), I decided to chill out and put a DVD in till the Sleepinol got the better of me. It's either that or watch Gametrailer TV on Spike. Personally, I feel I gave the network enough of my time watching the crap that is TNA television. I could do a blog on every mistake they made since day one, but I digress.

It isn't like I couldn't do that. What kind of face am I afraid of losing? Petey Williams is my only friend on the dying social network that is MySpace who was on the active roster.

Still, I cannot say that I wasn't curious about the program that is capitalizing on G4 choosing to show "Cops" and "Cheaters" most of the time. Their pitch: Video Game Burlesque Tribute. On cable? Something tells me they'd be messing that up?

I mean, I cannot come up with a gimmick to leave Chun Li with only pasties on. Can you? Are these girls genuine burlesque performers, or the Midnight Strip girls complaining about not getting enough exposure for their recently purchased upper torso enhancements?

If they were real burlesque performers, I doubt they be making the money to afford the fake tats, and they wouldn't be in that anorexic shape. The art form that is the tease had been adopted by the feminist movement, so it really is only about the tease. Being picturesque wad targets is secondary. The concept of seeing the chicks get bare is why a guy should want to bust one.

On a side note, before a girl decides to go into burlesque, at least look attractive enough that us guys want to see you naked. If you are going to be impersonating Ursula from "Disney's The Little Mermaid", it's all right to balance the scale that has Divine's corpse on the other side. But if you are just big enough to be mistaken for John Water's first meal ticket, avoid the rubber and vinyl clothing.

So many channels, and there is still nothing to watch. I just wasn't up for waiting till 2:15am to see Jennifer Connely's tits in "The Hot Spot", despite I find rare R-Rated nudity to be more entertaining than porn 60% of the time. Oh for the days of the NC-17 flick that came after "Emmanuele" on Cinemax. It was just a simpler time.

Well, I still had to unwind, so as I said, I popped a DVD in. "Resident Evil". A good zombie flick, but lacking a Jill or one of the Redfields doesn't make it a good video game movie. Especially when it gets me flash forwarding to "Resident Evil: Extinction".

What was the deal with that one Paul W.S. Anderson? Russell Mulcahy has his moments, but did you have to write him a script that he couldn't say no to?

Bastardizing the original concept, you know Russell is going to love that script. That's probably why we had to deal with "Highlander 2: The Quickening". What were you thinking Paul? You wrote and directed "Event Horizon", were wise enough to avoid "AVP-R" and "MK: Annihilation", and you gave us a good video game movie in "Mortal Kombat".

It is one thing to give a second unit director a chance to break out or show why he has been a second unit director, it is entirely different to give a film to a guy seeking to recreate his days of directing the early Duran Duran videos, and seemingly write it for him.

Yeah, I could go on about the science of zombies, immortals, and misusing a bitching cast (McG underused, but didn't waste Michael Ironside), but the point is, no one treats video games right.

Wrestling games are bad for wrestlers, gamer television will not stick to its core audience (nerds and geeks), and the movies get it right so very few times. It's still secondary entertainment. The pulp comics of our time.

Frank Miller, Zack Snyder, Allen Moore, Paul W.S. Anderson. Please save Mario. We'd be happy to sacrifice Peach if needed.