1/05/10: Super Pets, Adultery, and Capitalism: Pick the Good one

So, I finally have a short little satirical bit that doesn't need much development. Writing opinion pieces for The Harbinger (http://iccharbinger.com) and figuring out how to tone them down in terms of cynicism may have hindered my ridiculous nature.

If adultery, Facebook apps, and corporate America doesn't get me back on track this year, what will?

Yes, I use Zoosk, the flirtation app. It only made sense because besides for classmates, what dude do I want to know who hasn't written a classic motion picture? If you're not auctioning something on eBay or you don't have a Super Pet, I will not let you turn my profile into a sausage-fest.

I'm aware of the sexual hypocrisy. Straight dudes can't use cute apps, when they can play glorified MUDs with trendy topics. This isn't really about being straight, gay or queer, it's just an unwillingness to be imaginative by the only demographic that matters. Show a little bit of creativity, and they lump you with Oscar Wilde or Aaron Schock (allegedly).

That is probably why the application lets you purchase clothing for your fur-ball that no queer would wear. To make sure they can broaden their audience and find a sure fire way to make extra money using corporate sponsorship. If using an app that lets you socialize with lonely girls wasn't reason enough to get a virtual hopping cactus?

Also makes me wonder why Zoosk doesn't have a corporate sponsors. You can buy gifts for those you are flirting with. For one dollar you can send a girl a virtual love note. So??? Isn't it more romantic to say, "I can't buy you a Prada bag, but I definitely would if I could afford to?"

Super Pets can be dressed up in NBA, Snoop or Paris Hilton clothes. Not to say I want a Hilton tie in to this site, but does Commercial America dare not delve into flirting?

Judging how Tiger Woods is being treated, I guess not.

Not saying I advocate what Woods did, but the movies have told us that is what athletes do on the road. Would we deprive the "Wild Thing" Rick Vaughn tail?

Then again that's a Charlie Sheen character.

There are probably a great deal of products that should jump for Woods to be their sponsor because of his scandal. Lexus with their rear view cameras. Disposable cell phones like Virgin Mobile. 1-800-Flowers, deBeers, Legal Zoom, etc.

Oh no, something irresponsible, but totally legal is something corporations cannot advocate, as they encourage men to at least ask their doctors if they are healthy enough to have sex and sell sex toys late at night to tell women there is an escape from their shitty relationships that won't violate your prenuptial agreement or inspire those stories that make great "Law and Order" episodes.

Wouldn't it be better for women to just get the restraining order and start a better life? Not risk the embarrassment of their partner dropping dead mid cloitus.

Then we can use the money that goes to the sex industry to fund the law enforcement and cancer research. Responsible acts.

No, capitalists will not be responsible until a women comes after them wielding a nine iron or their partner/rapist's penis. Even then they don't act responsible. They think only of themselves, and abandon their bro to the crazy ho.

Perhaps this is really just the subconscious fear of women all men have, but if you want to stay committed to your cause even if it something as stupid as greed, GROW A PAIR!!!