Current mood: pessimistic
Kinda in a pissy mood. Can't really think of anything overly worthwhile to report from day two of Partial Hospitalization.
OK. A lot of worthwhile stuff happened, or not.
Hitting the same brick wall of being worthless. The solution...accept that?
No, don't accept that I'm a worthless husk of a man, accept that I'm a good person.
We have an issue with verb tense. Am should be (oh god, now I'm reminded of the bad nature of could, would, and should) was. There is nothing left of me.
One of the nursing students said, "you seem to have given yourself to everyone except myself."
This maybe true, but I did it because I thought it was the right thing to do. I couldn't live with myself if I didn't do the right thing.
Which leads us to the self defeating concept of black or white. There's always a gray area.
Gray area. Do we see any baseball teams still wearing gray road jerseys. As long as the Cubs wear the pin stripes at home, there is a chance that all can be right with the world.
Either way, there isn't anything of value to me. If there was, I probably wouldn't be alone right now. I could have found a purpose to keep moving on. I'd find a place in this world to fit in.
I may have jinxed myself with the Cubs tattoo. My lil sis always said, "you are like the Chicago Cubs, lovable losers." At least I know there are 25 guys who are paid to not really have a purpose.
I throw like a girl. Why lord can't I be a part of that tradition?
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