*Blog post started on August 13, 2020.
Medical
appointments have passed, but with a one month follow up scheduled.
Yes, I am still stressed about that. And yes, I am too honest to just
cancel an appointment because it would not work with my schedule and
wait till my next health scare.
Any
other stress is probably undue bullshit. The Snapchat girl is sending
mixed messages, going from work focus to "why can't a man satisfy me?"
mode. Why do you not tell me to get over there and take care of you?
To
make matters work, I at least got girls talking on three other
platforms. This leaves me with three other conversations to worry about.
Should I message them just to make sure they know I am still
interested? Did I cross the line with some political commentary? Do they
only chat from nine to five?
And
there are of course the blog posts that I need to all have prepared
before my vacation. Because I got to justify my Netflix DVD
subscription, my most recent disc had to get back to Carol Stream before
the next billing period. "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" is next up
which is good because I got to slow down my output for NinetyForChill.com.
But until we get to the way I should be handling my Terry Gilliam
collection (To my credit, my copies of "Brazil" and "12 Monkeys" were
both purchased at heavily discounted prices.), we must tread through
another post 2015 action movie starring Sylvester Stallone.
"Escape
Plan" was an amusing enough movie that may have taken itself a little
too seriously. With two sequels being shot back-to-back, one would
suspect any other franchise to be taking itself way too seriously.
Fortunately, when you realize these flicks are solely for the Chinese
mainland (Free Hong Kong!), it is easy enough to relax and enjoy "Escape
Plan 2: Hades" for the braid dead trash that I hoped "Rambo: Last Blood" would have been.
Escape Plan 2: Hades (2018, 1 hour 36 minutes)
Breslin Security has expanded from prison breaks to encompass rescue missions. With
Ray Breslin tired of doing the physical work required in testing the
effectiveness of prison security, Shu serves as his top agent.
Unfortunately, the last bout with terrorists only allowed for half the
assets to make it back home. If fellow agent Kimbral had skipped trying
to further promote Breslin by blowing up the terrorists' weapons cache
and arrived at the rendezvous on time, the results would probably have
been different.
Ray
fires Kimbral and puts Shu on leave to work on his team leadership
skills. Shu decides to head back to Shanghai to visit his family, and
make sure nothing happens to his satellite genius cousin, Yusheng, at a
Bangkok bachelor party. At least being at his cousin's side means he
will not have be alone when they are kidnapped to soon awake in a black
op prison site called H.A.D.E.S.
The
Zookeeper has been hired by a Swiss competitor to Yusheng. Shu and his
cousin are there to be tortured until they give up the patent
information for Yusheng's new satellite communication technology. HADES
is far more complex than the last prison Ray broke out of and with the
Zookeeper having inmates fight for luxuries, how long can our
protagonists last?
We
know Ray is going to do anything he can to get Shu out, including
recruiting the towering DeRosa to give them some extra firepower, but
will not make a move until he is certain of success. It is all a matter
of figuring out the location and layout of the prison. Time is one thing
Shu has and with Kimbral being a fellow inmate, what he has learned
from Ray gives him all he needs to win the day. But after all the damage
that Breslin has done to the private prison industry, things seem far
too easy.
"Escape
Plan 2: Hades" starts out like any silly 80's action movie, but it
makes a sudden turn to attempt and capture "The Matrix" cool aesthetic
that exposes all of its weaknesses. It is kind of like "Tron" without
the teleporting laser and smooth incorporation of effects. With punching
and kicking being your primary means of action, our characters are not
in the right movie. Especially Stallone who I do not believe knows how
to kick.
I
suppose the concept of a computer controlled prison allows for twists
to constantly occur, but the narrative is far too predicable. The idea
is to make the audience to try and figure out the puzzle as they go
along. Its mistake is the constant twists to mock us just when the nerds
develop a theory on how the protagonist can escape. This leads the
audience to just quit caring, so only the stupidity of villain(s) can
the film get them reinvested. That is a whole lot of stupid.
Director
Steven C. Miller is accustomed to making stupid films. He directed a
fun remake of "Silent Night, Deadly Night" ("Silent Night), but that
film featured a script that does not necessarily make sense as it works
to a big reveal. What made the film fun was a cast of screen chewers and
shocking violence. The film chewer in "Escape Plan 2" is Stallone who
is essentially there only for his brand value. He is not the lead, so he
cannot chew the fat off of this film.
As
for the violence, you get one great fight scene, otherwise the film is
too quick to resolve its scenes. This leaves the flick with nothing for
Miller to catch and over expose. If it left us with graphic scenes to linger on, it would play towards Miller's strengths. It
also lacks a sense of humor or clever wit that can save an action
movie. All of that is reserved for Dave Bautista's screen time. Since
the third film in the franchise also features him, you have to admire
the writer, Miles Chapman, doing the bare minimum to leave the audience
wanting more.
"Escape
Plan 2: Hades" might have figured out how to make a Chinese-funded
trilogy work, leaving the audience just interested enough for a third
film. In this case, I think this interest stems from wanting
justification for putting up with a quickly produced sequel that lacks
heart. It has some fun moments, but it also wants to prove itself
smarter than its audience.
"HADES"
might show up the audience with its twists to indicate intelligence,
but it does not change the fact that it is built on a metaphoric swamp.
How smart can you be if you are still sinking? Hopefully the wreckage of
this castle will be enough to serve as a sturdy base for "Escape Plan:
The Extractors".
