Thursday, January 31, 2019

MFK: The Wanty, The Certified Fresh, The Black Jesus

I was thinking about saying that I am glad the holiday season is about to end, but in retail, we add 12 days on top of it. As for hotels in a university town, since the people visiting during the break are fewer, they seem to expect more from us. Of course, they will say need.

Is that what the holidays are? Is it a time to play needy, just like Mary and Joseph did?

Most people are easy to deal with, but you do not remember the easy. This is how I rationalized buying "The Predator" over "Mission Impossible: Fallout" after viewing each. "Fallout" is a solid action film that would serve as a perfect way to close the series. It is directed well enough and takes itself seriously enough, but nothing is more exceptional than M:I 1, 3, 4 and 5. It is a great spy flick without the British accent. I already owned three of those and I am not paying more for fifth volume than the sixth to make it all work out.

"The Predator" on the other hand barely holds together and acts like it should have starred Joel, Mike, Jonah, Servo, Crowe, Frank, Max and Kinga. The tacked on ending makes you glad Disney owns the IP and will probably just abandon it. It ends up being so off-the-wall, you end up mesmerized by it. My only mistake with the purchase is doing it digitally, hence, no chance of resell if I watch it enough to get fed up with it.

Sadly, people are out to make you angry when their mad. And when you work for companies that have quite the corporate structure, you can only hope their fellow customers make the comments that you wish you could. If they do not walk away, then they have gone and fucked your Christmas Eve.

"You said I could have this suite, but now you are telling me I can't?!?"

I apologized for the my error and let her know we still have accessible suite:

"My husband and I have different sleep schedule, we need the suite to have a bedroom!"

Upon telling her about suites at our sister hotel:

"Those suites are too tacky. It is insulting."

Upon telling her about rooms at our other sister hotel:

"That place is awful. There is no way I can make another reservation this late for tomorrow."

Upon telling her that I would be happy to get them with a hotel not in our family:

"No, it has to be in this neighborhood. I am disabled and cannot handle the traffic between anywhere else and my 90 year-old mother."

That is when I wanted to bring up the sacrifice their comfort to see death bed mom. When you are the only one working in the building when she is blowing you up for an hour and a half, I am going to take that home with me. And look her up on Facebook hoping that she lives long enough so that when "Main Event of the Dead" makes me famous (email me if you want a treatment), I can leave the world of kissing ass to let the world know of her bitterness...allegedly (thanks Colt Cabana). Having to start the phone tag with a minute long voicemail intro about how calling her number is illegal because I must be a telemarketer makes her extra memorable.

Everybody suddenly needs stuff comes the holidays. It is like they compromised from the end of the return policy till Black Friday, and they have had enough. Literacy is out the window.

"The tag that said 39.99 for the DVD player was where I found this Xbox One."

You ask for credentials, you are harassing them and since that is the first effort they put into the day, you have freaking jinxed them. Their bad day is your responsibility and you deserve all the curse words they offer.

Unless they love Jesus (like handicunt) up there, and they tell you how Jesus would not treat them like that. Jesus would probably try to lecture to them about wasting their money on a tablet instead of giving it to charity, but then they would feel judged. Since he was more likely to be black than white, there calls to the cops about him would be viral gold.

Anything that you are shopping for on Black Friday, you do not need. If you are not a tot waiting on a toy, let us do our job. We will be smiling because we are doing it the way that works best for everyone, not just you.

The only needy that is acceptable is your girlfriend asking you to find a way to get the Syfy channel for the annual "Twilight Zone" marathon despite she could just queue it up on Netflix. Finding a work around so that it will be "the same" is almost like coming up with a Christmas miracle.

As long as the neediness stops at that. What is this telling me I need to blog more than once a week?

Movies of 2009 Thus Far (January-February)

I found a tweet last night from film critic Chris Gore (best known, or at least I know him from G4's Attack of the Show) about Zombieland

With 10 possible Best Picture nominees, @Zombieland has a chance at Oscar gold! Badassawesome! A zombie wave4u: http://tinyurl.com/y8wpd7a

Certainly this is a satirical statement, but because of that, it leaves me to wonder about the quality of movies this year. Can a zombie flick (not directed by George A. Romero) be one of the ten best films this year?

So, lets partake with a week by week break down of what has been offered by Hollywood.

January 2 (based on information gathered from film-releases.com:)

Only movies that were released were limited to the coasts. Can't base any conclusions from that.

January 9

Bride Wars - Why we should be happy the Oscars snubbed Hudson and Hathaway.
Not Easily Broken - I like to be behind Billy Duke, but wrong ethnicity for subject matter. Take the Color Purple as an example. Especially when no one dare cross Oprah.
The Unborn - Classic issue of a great writer being a wretched director.

January 16

Hotel for Dogs - at least the kids get something.
Paul Blart: Mall Cop - I saw it, liked it, but it ain't art.
Notorious - Give me a break. Tupac was at least kind enough to leave us a great performance in Juice.
My Bloody Valentine 3-D - Unless you are producing for Disney World, stay away from the format.

January 23

Inkheart - Drawings and Brendan Frasier? I didn't remember Monkey Bone working out.
Underworld - Rise of the Lycans - British actors in sci-fi are never taken seriously. I've rented Doomsday, so I'll find out if we can take the Kate Beckingsale knock off seriously.

January 30

New In Town - When my Midwest conservative mom cannot relate, it must have missed its mark (or she get thrown off by "abooots" and "ehs")
Taken - This was technically released in 2008, and action movies never win Oscars.

February 6

Coraline - I've probably seen this movie in its entirety, but when you have to deal with an overly involved two year-old, I can't say I know what it is about. Still, the buzz at least secures it a Best Animated Feature Nomination (which it will either lose to Up or Ponyo). The only bad thing I can say about it is the 3-D bull shit it embraces. If it proved appropriate for a two year-old, I can tell you that the audience could care less about 3-D. The glasses annoy them.
He's Not That in to You - Made for dates, not for accolades.

February 13

I've actually wrote a couple blogs about this weekend:

February 20

Fired Up - PG-13 humor about R-Rated characters always fails (with the exception of Dude, Where's My Car?)
Tyler Perry's Madea Goes to Jail - If you don't screen your films for critics, then they aren't art.

February 27

Jonas Brothers The Bull Shit Concert Experience
Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li - Since Street Fighter is the best video game franchise, I'm sure I'll rent it, but I'm not expecting Tai Chi Master or Hard-Boiled.

After breaking two months down, and stretching the capabilities of what should be considered website guidelines, I'll continue this blog the next time Gary Hale tells us to work on them. I would love feedback though. Perhaps, I'm just being too harsh, but keep in mind that this was still Oscar season, so if it wasn't talked about, it won't be talked about for the rest of the year.

March and April Movie 2K9

I was still catching up with the 2008 Oscar race at this time. Slumdog Millionaire one weekend Milk the next The Wrestler following. With the exception of Watchmen, these were months that I regret not figuring out a way to live in Wrigleyville to avoid all the holiday fodder. This blog maybe fun to write just to know what I was skipping, because lets face it, nothing that is suppose to be in Top 10 list is released prior to May and for the most part November.

March 6, 2009

The only wide release was Watchmen. As a hater of The Dark Knight (it is hard to not want to not want to defile Ledger's memory for costing Mickey Rourke his Oscar), I'd like to note that Christopher Nolan's film had to at least withstand the competition of Mamma Mia!, when no one challenged Zack Snyder's film. Watchmen has more haters than DK, but it also had more supporters than detractors. If it was not released so early in the year, it could have put Snyder up as a dark horse for best director.

March 13, 2009

Miss March - Some say this ruined The Whitest Kids You Know. I am just disappointed that they could not have come up with a better concept to be juvenile about.
The Last House on the Left - Has there ever been a good remake of a Wes Craven picture? I would like to also mention despite the support for the original, Ingmar Bergman's The Virgin Spring was the basis and one of Bergman's film that does not seem to have many claiming it to be pretentious.
Race To Witch Mountain - The Rock (who wants to be known as Dwayne?) has only had one film not to open at #1, but he has never done any films that were not popcorn features (except for Southland Tales, but that didn't make it to wide release).

March 20, 2009

Duplicity - Clive Owens cannot open a film in the states, so why would anyone pay attention to what seemed to be a clever picture.
I Love You Man - Gross out comedies never get a fair shake. This was the director, John Hamburg, first film after five years of only doing television, and it probably shows.
Knowing - Flaws that cannot be overcome discussed in my review for Bangkok Dangerous.

March 27, 2009

12 Rounds - WWE is holding back the possible acting career of John Cena by putting him in a sharkless Renny Harlin film.
The Haunting In Connecticut - Virginia Madsen should have never attempted to return to the mainstream.
Monsters vs. Aliens - It sounded like a dumb concept and the title will keep it out of contention for best animated feature, but the more I see of it, the better it gets.

April 3, 2009

Adventureland - Ryan Reynolds should never be associated with the word Oscar.
Fast & Furious - How can anyone take a picture that has the same title as one of its prequels seriously?
Sunshine Cleaning - I really wished it would have been longer and taken more risks. It may have allowed the actresses to shine more.

April 10, 2009

Dragonball: Evolution - No one stopped this film when they determined that they would cast a white kid to play Goku?
Observe and Report - If one mall cop movie will not get any love, why should the other?

April 17, 2009

17 Again - An attempt to capitalize on High School Musical and nothing more.
Crank: High Voltage - When will Jason Statham want to be taken seriously?
State of Play - I think Russell Crowe and Ben Affleck have worn out their welcome.

April 24, 2009

Fighting - Will anyone take the time to make a good MMA movie? When will the sport stop letting people associate it with street fighting?
Obsessed - PG-13 stalker movies never work.
The Soloist - It almost seems that winning an Oscar is a bad thing because I've yet to take interest in Jamie Fox, Crowe, and Affleck's careers after their wins. Also, you cannot release a drama this early in the year and hope it will be remembered. Usually, an early release is a nice way of saying, "Sorry we didn't push you for 2008's awards."

Truck Stop Thoughts 2008: What the French Revolution taught us, and how it applies to the Hiltons

Let's face it, reality sucks.

We have people turning down second dates for $40. Are these "Nexters" telling me the dater is going to suddenly become cheap because MTV is not footing the bill? I hope the dater signed on knowing they better step up.

It would also be much better reality if we did not find it necessary to house train the most evil representations of femininity by those who cannot stop their dogs from defecating all over their houses and decrepit rock stars.

This reality allows Presidents who can get away with perjury while Lil' Kim gets time. It is a reality where saying, "bomb, bomb, bomb, Iran," is taken way too seriously.

Worst of all is the fact we have banks to rescue while decadent aristocracies can still stand. If we want to bail out our economy and end the bull shits that are the Gotties, Kardashians, and Hiltons, we must vote for Barrack Obama. This is our chance to dabble into a workable socialism. One that seemed to be a great success during the Fren...I mean Freedom revolution.

Let it be known Paris, you won't just earn yourself a new esteemless cling on forever, but now a new BMF to contend with. He is RUSS: OF THE MANY LAST NAMES (Si is my latest Chinese one, thank you Illinois Central College).

It's all about confidence and talking yourself up. Isn't that right you premier, night vision dumpster.

Look I just don't hate, well hate is a pretty strong word, despise Paris. I also think her mom needs a vaginally themed insult that describes her. I mean douche, the c and t-words...at least in my blogs (http://www.myspace.com/inimitablerc)…are overused.

To support her judgmental daughter to encourage the competition of male-model polo (and you guys thought it was hard to look straight rollerblading), and excessive partying better known as the excuse to act like an starhole, she should not be allowed to show her face in public. Who really deserved 45 days in LA County?

As an eccentric Anglophile, God knows I hate to acknowledge the French for any good idea, but they did what they had to during their revolution. No, there weren't a lot of happy, American landowners who favored the American Revolution, but they were not who we were pissed at. Now if the King and Prince Regent were stateside, it would not have just been tea to end up in Boston Harbor.

No one deserves to be beheaded, unless you are a threat to nationalism. No, I'm not advocating the machete brutality as seen on Al Jazeera, but guillotine usage seems humane. Viva Fren...I mean Freedom Technology.

To see Paris's body bumping and grinding the executioner while I throw her head as far away from the scene, like I would throw a Manny Ramirez home run from the Wrigley bleachers. Now that's hot.

Okay, let's step away from my necrofantasies and be reasonable. I mean, they only exiled Napoleon, and there are plenty of Hilton penthouses where we can air lift food to these criminals to the people who have made a living by consuming oxygen and baby batter while we divide their wealth equally to the truly unfortunate, the homeless or soon to be.

Damn your chocolates Fannie May, where's their green?

To live in a world where I do not feel like a prick when my refusal to a Chicago street performer is prevented by "oh s***!" when I turn to see him with jeans tied off at the knees, seemingly too young to have lost them in the name of Halliburton.

If we could move the homeless into these hotel rooms, and use the wealth of the Hiltons to pay for water, electricity, and room service (which would be greatly increased thus creating new jobs). Why would we ever need the economic bailout?

And the beauty of this plan is no one would be spoiled. I am not asking the Hiltons to pay for spectra vision. I mean, we got to offer some rewards to encourage people to get on their feet again (unless they like to sit).

And the only thing lost is $700 billion, but with all the bankruptcies in our country, is that really a loss? Especially since the decadents will be humiliated, and Paris would never be seen again.

Hell, I would risk bouncing a check to see it.

"Don't let your babies grow up to be Cubs Fans, and always remember to spay or neuter your White Sox Fans," Russ Stevens

Cravings...Daddy's Girl...Vampire Flick or the Welsh "Crush"

letmewatchthis.mn

Lionsgate may have dropped the ball with their DVD release of the Welsh import "Daddy’s Girl" by renaming it "Cravings". Since it was originally released in 2006, the American distributor was probably just trying to capitalize on the belief that actress Jaime Winstone ("Donkey Punch") maybe the next great British actress. Horror DVD’s are probably the most rented and it being Lionsgate’s bread and butter, the renaming allow it to capture the largest audience. This proves to be misleading because Cravings is not so much thriller or horror feature than Alicia Silverstone’s The Crush. To its credit, Cravings does take the Electra complex to a new level of creepy.

Stephen (Richard Harrington) is a psychotherapist who is just six weeks removed from his wife’s suicide. As a welcome back present, his first new patient is Nina (Winstone), a girl who had slit her wrist on "accident." She claims to just be going through that cutting stage of adolescence, but Stephen believes that because she drinks her blood, there is a far more disturbing problem. As Stephen becomes closer to Nina’s mother (Louise Delamere), Nina begins to lash out at everyone who can offer her a taste of the crimson. Being too involved with the case, and still struggling with the grief of his wife’s death, Stephen must stop Nina’s behavior before it cost him his sanity and more.

Check out my review for this classic at:

Ninety for Chill - A More Acceptable Runtime

12/25/2008 The Last Gas Station Christmas EVER

Perhaps it is my discontent towards the job. The extra long holiday shift and the double to follow it in 18 hours. The anxiety of wondering how much more abuse they'll lay on me before I devote the majority of my time to drinking and studying.

Whatever element or elements mentioned above, throw in the decadent customers, and for the first time, I feel the emotion of jealousy towards those who have Christmas off.

Out of principle, I would not mind working the holiday or any religious holiday for that matter. No, I did not sell God out for time and a half, but religious events should not justify a commercial shut down.

With that being said, I assume you understand my feeling towards Hobby Lobby, so I will not go into my rant that they close on Sundays because right wing Christians feel that they have to limit the days that we can truly be creative thus lessening independent thought and our Jewish friends from converting us.

All I have to say about Hobby Lobby is that Sunday was always my day off (work five days, wrestle Saturday), why must I be left feeling like the speaker of an Anne Plath poem because of it.

To protest the Hobby Lobbyists, I stood behind the fuel desk pleasantly on December 25, 2008, and treated the customers to the most courteous service I could offer. Sadly, this day was also the first day the shopping baskets at Super Pantry ever saw any use.

And I decided that if I was to run out of ink writing this blog, I will drag the next customer over the counter, slice off the top of their index finger, and deliver this Pulitzer hopeful in blood.

Gas stations need to be open on Christmas for four reasons: Gas, Smokes, Newspapers, and Batteries.

Food? Well you should have had that taken care of. If you can't free load off a relative, maybe you should mail out gift cards a long with your tacky family pic to your "loved" ones.

The same goes for tampons (God, I hope there are no pony riding readers). If you are asked to run out and grab some for the GF, tell her to write a Pulitzer peace. Please do that so that I may receive praise for helping to find a way to thin out the herd.

Batteries? You never know just how many you really need until the living room has become a back alley. Cigarettes? I would not dare ask any of these addicts to deal with their extended families without them. Newspapers? How else will you find an event to use as an excuse to be free of the in-laws? And with all these potential trips from the house comes the need for gas.

Otherwise, you don't need a damn thing on 12/25. Why does Walmart close of JC's B-Day? Because no matter the race, color or creed, this is the one day they decided that you must be prepared for. If you are not prepared, not having candy to shut the whiny brats up is your problem.

If you gotta bug me by browsing for something sugar-free, do not take the kids into the gas stations with you. Don't make their racket my problem.

Walmart dose not close because of faith. Their faith is to the green back. Consider X-mas as practice for the apocalypse. I'm sure one bad one, and you'll be ready from there on out.

And don't bug me for last second gift cards, for your sake. Those things have the time of purchase printed on the receipts. Nothing says I've been thinking of you year round like something purchased as 16:22:35 of 12/25/08.

Do people have pride anymore? Do you really want to be that guy with a basket full of stuff you forgot? I hope not, because if not, I hope a cop needing a pack of reds waits behind you in line.

After I see the "what kind of garbage is this look" on the officer's face, I'll drag you over the counter. Then I will beat you until you crawl away. I will be left smiling a long side the blue guy relishing the enjoyment of the righteous punishment for stupidity.

Don't let me forget to warn the police. If they try to sting me on tobacco sales on X-mas, I'll treat them the same way I'd treat a stupid customer for their power tripping ways. I am certain there is going to be a judge to side with me for the attack. If not, public support will be there for my appeal.

I will do my best not to work on X-mas from here on out, but I will also make my fellow clerks understand the appropriate actions to the whims of the ill mannered and decadent.

If you fear revolution, it maybe the time for pay-at-the-pump, so that we can all fake it when it comes to Christ. A time for credit card operated vending machines for batteries and smokes. That way, if your kid buy Camels, it's your fault for leaving your wallet out.

It might be a time for newspaper dispenser that will bite your hand off if you try to grab more than one.

You can change, the methods of selling these products can change, or you can start performing favors for alkaline. I like time and a half to slack and wait on customers who know what they need, but more importantly, I just want the chance to slack on X-mas like the rest of the world.

The Midnight Meat Train - Takes us back to a better, bloodier time.

To bring Generation X back to our teenage renting practices might be what Lionsgate was looking for with Ryuhei Kitamura’s adaptation of a Clive Barker short story "The Midnight Meat Train". This was the time in their life when they would either go to a movie, or only visit the horror movie aisle of a video store and try to decide which film offered the coolest gore and quintessential nudity.

When a hip art dealer (Brooke Shields) tells Leon (Bradley Cooper of "The Hangover") that he is failing as a photographer, and suggest that he needs to be brave to capture New York City the way it really is. Convinced of this, Leon goes out late at night to shoot its seedier elements.

Cinematerial.com

During this quest to capture the dark side of NYC, he winds up crossing the path of a Mahogany (Vinnie Jones of "Snatch" and "Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels"), a loner who always rides the 2:05 am train, and the missing fashion model he last saw boarding. Leon decides to follow him to piece together his case that he is culprit, and ends ups taking his girlfriend and himself to even darker subject matter.

When occult elements start appearing in the film, it leads one to believe that the story could not have had the photographer’s quest play as big of a part in its original form. We are discussing Clive Barker material, and he must always have a demonic element to his tales, so detective work inevitably end up being secondary like in 1995’s "Lord of Illusions". Demons are what his films usually advertise, so when they appear the viewer wonders, “did we need a twist?”

Especially when Kitamura had presented a scene that should give any horror fan me a gorgasm 20 minutes in. The action sequences are where the direction shines making sure never to waste any use of the gore which allows for an awesome climax too each scene. Otherwise, there was a lot of extra time taken for each shot which drags the film a bit. These shots are beautiful with their selective lighting, but just because the crew took a lot of time to get the scene to look great, does not mean you have to shoot the hell out of them.

The actors do a great job presenting the film. Cooper does what Ryan Reynolds tries to do with each one of his dramatic roles. That is presenting his straight character with a degree of arrogance that his comic characters seem to possess. It makes the viewer root for him instead of shouting at the screen, “you are only as valid an actor as Dane Cook is.” Vinnie Jones is awesome as Mahogany being the mysterious, unbeatable fellow who leaves us wondering what his story is.

The Midnight Meat Train misses a lot of chances to be the perfect slasher flick, but unforgettable horror sequences make this a must view by the genre’s fans. The DVD offers a commentary track by Clive Barker and Ryuhei Kitamura which may explain the abuses of talent, along with featurettes including one about Barker. These make the purchase of the DVD a meaty banquet for Barker’s fans, but only a shameful treat for any other film goers. The Midnight Meat Train is enjoyable, but not because it is a cinematic gem.

2008 NLDS: Root root root for the Cubbies you Northsiders

If you don't live in Chicago, it's easier to pick up the differences between those who represent downstate and those who represent the state.

Back in 2007, during spring training, a waitress at Richard's in Peoria spoke of the injury to Mark Prior and an injury obtained by Kerry Wood when he slipped getting out of a hot tub.

"We have nothing but Chinadolls in our rotation."

I replied with, "so you go to Bradley and are from Chicago."

"How'd you know?"

Because, and I hope it's not just me, we want to speak optimistically of our team downstate instead of bad mouthing our representatives be it playoff dud Soriano, the Dempster whom I wanted to shank in 2006, or the nip whose bat shut down after the all star break.

After going to game two of the NLDS, my "well, they're just Chicagoans" changed to "what is your problem?"

My observations:

Female fans breaking out the fluffy clothes. Look, this is baseball, on the Northside at that, so there should be nothing at the friendly confines that may emit glitter. I go to the ball park thinking it's October, or dare I say "Cubtober", of 1908. This isn't the catwalk that is the hallways of ICC/or any other community college (be damned boots with fluff around the top). We ain't here to lose pretty, we are here to cheer big.

I will say that the gents in suits made better clothing choices. It fits in with 1908 at least. Still, root root root for the home team. Like the American flag pins, Cubs cuff-links are poor fanhood. This is a baseball game, show your young Republican pride else where.

Folks, you see those "rules of the bleachers" signs and shirts for sale at the souvenir stands, well they should pretty much apply to everything that is Wrigley.

Then there are the stupid fans. Now if a white, Dodgers fan wants to wear his team's jersey and not get the hell beaten out of him, 42 is the only number to wear. Black or white, if I curb you, it's a hate crime.

Otherwise when it comes to 42, don't put in on the back of a 1982 Cubs away jersey and then have the nerve to wear it and not be in black face. It's just insulting to Jackie Robinson and Al Jolson.

Another act of stupidity is drinking all day before the game because it allows the Bartman looking motherfuckers an excuse to try to gain attention. Go Cubs Go...after you leave dick leave.

This leads me to my biggest trouble with Northsiders:
"Knock one out Z, because nobody else is helping you!"

The worst coaches I have are the ones who tell me you are lousy. We are not coaches we are fans. We really have no clue what's going on, so don't bad mouth those who do.

If I'm sitting in a car with a bomb, I am not going to heckle the bomb-defusing robot.

And if you are going to heckle, don't hold back on the obscenities. Dare I say the New Yorkers have it right. Fuckin' A.

Sorry, sorry, heckling is fine as long as the the guy doesn't wear blue or pin stripes.

"Recognize some fucking tradition you illegal doorag whering cocksucker" is a more than appropriate heckle for the postseason's best hitter. Good thing I don't go to WNBA games.

Which reminds me. The Chicago WNBA franchise was giving at Japanese style noisemakers that would quickly be compensated by Cubs personnel. Lou, you wonder why K-Fu ain't hitting when it's important. He's home sick.

The worse thing you can do to a teammate or family member is to be hatefully discouraging. Whenever a coach did that to me in high school, he got a cold stare of what the fuck from me. And I usually got a, "are you okay, I meant this" apology.

And being discouraging even using great lines from Major League to do it doesn't make it right. Look to "Slapshot" for inspiration for your hateful acts (RIP Paul Newman).

Reminds me, I really ought to post my extremely hateful e-mail I sent to a friend about the wrestling business as one of my blogs. After my cat tossing, dog killing, smoking and drinking blogs of course. It'll give me a few more weeks of forced breathing.

It was tough listening to all the bitching at Wrigley. All it did was make Lou's press conference seem redundant.

I just think that all fans, especially the posers that are the White Sox fans, should admire us for more than our endurance and undying loyalty. We have to do everything we can to keep the best players in Chicago until Mark Cuban saves us, so let the friendly confines be friendly.

Who knows, maybe Christopher Lloyd will come to our aid some day? Knowing our luck though, we will get a troublemaker like Andy Kaufman in the outfield, but optimism is what saves us Cubs fans.

The knowledge that there is a next year, is all we need to stay warm at night...that and the free Cubs' blanket I got for filling out a credit card application.

"Don't let your babies grow up to be Cubs Fans, and always remember to spay or neuter your White Sox Fans," Russ Stevens

Tuesday, January 29, 2019

MFK: Hans Gruber, Consumerism, Gender Neutral Santa (version 2)

Am I a communist because I am just sick of kissing the asses of consumers?

I have been working a lot which financially is a nice change from the iHotel cutting everyone's hours because hotel vacancy in a college town during December is typically. The structure of that property required two guest service agents to be present at all times, so if you were not suffering paycheck wise, your sanity was taking a hit. This being my first Christmas in the 50-hour a week corporate world, my mind is getting to endure all facets of people using the holidays to create a pseudo caste system.

Suddenly everyone becomes illiterate:

I was not made aware of any renovations (despite the signs upon entering the establishment).
You should have let us know the TV channels were down when we made the reservation (seven days prior).
That is not the price the tag said (how were they suppose to know the tag said that was not the item).
So your price match guarantee is false (no, we prefer liquidate when we are in the red).

Fuck, Hans Gruber for saying, "It's Christmas, Theo. It's the time of miracles. So be of good cheer... and call me when you hit the last lock." Everybody thinks they can be the villain. Everybody thinks they should be on the beach earning 20%.

Best case scenario, they think because it is about the guy who turned water into wine, miracles are not much to ask for. Free stuff is even less trivial.

And then they bitch about socialism and scream for austerity.

The last couple of holiday seasons were not that draining on me. Full-time overnight job in 2016, my time was spent focusing on reinvigorating my spirits after the worse day in at least modern American history. 2017, enjoy the free time and the car insurance check for repairs to make up the difference. What I had was time. Now I have a girlfriend realizing that during her extended holiday freedom, chord cutting has left her without the Syfy Channel during the New Year celebration. No "Twilight Zone," and she is about to bark at Comcast to somehow fit us in for an appointment during the most wonderful time of the year.

It is only wonderful for the consumer. The labor must maintain that status for them.

I have my frustrations at the job I cannot leave, but I am getting treated better than how the iHotel did. The retail job is just a constant reminder of the stupidity of mankind. Sadly, this season, a greater amount of people who perpetuate that customer service is a low rung job are on my side of the counter.

I guess if you have to take part in the season, it becomes a job and not a Madonna track. "Holiday" is implied, but I will take anyone of them except for "Material Girl." For obvious reason, but KMFDM selling out to do a cover of it only leaves a nastier taste in my mouth.

A job is a place you want to get out of the after your first card punch. Because of that, you pick up on all the negativity around you and you are tempted to get into Twitter wars in the defense of folkstyle wrestling standards against long locks of hair. It takes strength to not say, "He broke the rules, I'd have shave his head."

The season has even has me questioning my liberal values. Why is the rape song okay but comedians being taken out of context isn't (yes that's is a defense for Louie CK and Ricky Gervais?

One and a half shifts and I am done busting my butt for the almighty dollar. And then it is all about visiting family outside of Chambana. The punishing nature of capitalism is constant and out to drive me into becoming "that uncle" to my niece and nephew. Makes me really ponder who I am after the side I chose in the case of Brutus "The Referee" Beefcake.

Head Trip Trilogy 2010: A Odd Look at the 5th Stage of Grief (version 2)

Am I in a better place than I was nine to 10 years ago?

I have not bumped in four years and I ran away from all the social interactions I had. That's Bad!

The job(s) are good and I am writing more. That's Good!

My writing is less focused (it's like I don't have the strength to be angry) and I am definitely not satisfied. That's Bad!

I have a crazy girlfriend (to date me, it is a prerequisite) and I realize the only way is forward. That's Good!

Everything is unknown when it comes to my fate, and I have accepted that. The lack of control still drives me not, so that may only be a conscious statement. If anything, I am romanticizing about my demise instead of actively wishing for it.

What is really bad is that my obsessive compulsive disorder leads me to feel that I need to even out the page layouts of my old blogs. My amusement with the metaphors of destruction makes it seem worthwhile to take a trip back to the fourth stage of grief.

Hopefully most of these will stay on headtrip309.blogspot.com, but I will make no promises. No need to want to break free if you can stay that way to begin with. Sorry Freddy.

Thanks for the abandonment assholes

I thought I had written in my last blog that I need people to just accept the fact that I am fucking hopeless. To tell me just to fuck off. I forgot that I'm so much easier to just fucking ignore.

Hey, I'm sorry that most of the shit I blog about is how shitty my life is. Sorry you won't take the time to accept that this is more than a pity trip. Just fuck me for my opinion pieces being dedicated to ICC's school newspaper that won't fucking help itself.

The world is fed up with me, I should get that, but again I hate relying on fucking implications.

Sorry if it fucking pains you to say it, but just say it. You can even apologize with it.

We are sorry that this is true, but you are a fucking loser, and we can't stand you bitching about it.

What the fuck? Three years of this shit, and you keep fucking lying to yourselves. Fuck, you keep lying to me.

I'm sorry I can't please all of you and fucking lie to myself. I'm an asshole, I've accepted that, so I may as well be a self righteous one.

Let it be 2010 because 2012 is too far away.

No, it's not a resolution. With my depressed mood, I'd like it to be a documentation till extinction. Saves on writing a suicide not.

So I've been assigned my work station which is pretty much out on it's own. Yes, this should be a good thing when you dislike most people, but when you don't have any friends and positive social interaction is a necessity, I'm plenty fucked.

A lot of you may interpret this as a fuck you, but it's more of a compliment. Why would anyone want to hang out with this downer? This isn't blame either. I put myself in a position where I have no real connections. Still, there is kind of a feeling that I've been given up on by those who can actually hang out with, but that ain't right since all of you have moved on to better things.

Right now, I'm stuck in a house where socialism is a cuss word for the next month. By the time I move out, it'll be coming up on my 30th birthday. So the future is alone and dealing with my impotence as a human being that has ruled my life since adolescence.

All I got are stories, but there is absolutely no one to tell them to. It is about time to get canceled.

It now makes me think about why the fuck am I even writing when the audience has gone. I'm the definition of insanity. And since nobody will read this, no one will be kind enough to get me committed.

I do have to ask, "Am I no longer the lovable loser?" because that would explain the abandonment. I can't even be hopeful for this world. If I've been written of for it, the Cubs will surely follow.

Fuck this Soxciety.

What needs to be changed?

Obviously my environment? I can't justify developing my next website idea while I only have a week left before moving out.

Attitude towards my job? Only in the idea that I should just say, "If you don't think I'm working out, fire me now, and I'll respect you for it sense." With ideas that are coming to mind for my extreme leftist blog, it would be best to handle me this way instead of waiting till I'm stuck with a fucking lease.

My abrasive nature...really? People still have a sense of humor right, or is everything taken personally? Am I just a shitty guy to introduce to people?

Or am I just shitty looking? With the baby-face there are times when I think I look too much like Private Pile from "Full Metal Jacket." I'm to the point where I'd appreciate an AM-16 for my birthday.

Again, the abrasive attitude. Again, I swear no one has a sense of humor anymore. How many people find the last paragraph creepy? What? Can't make jokes about being D'Onofrio to myself?

Also feel like I may need a change in friends. Come on. I've been a bit more optimistic of late, but I've been left high and dry on feedback. Fuck, it really feels like I've been abandoned to a fate that no one has a set to tell me I'm about to face.

Right now, my life maybe moving a step forward, but that may only be a step closer to a ledge. I'm an offbeat immature freak, and there isn't going to much left for me after this next step. And I'm still not sure if that ledge will crumble beneath me.

Donkey Punch: A great what if movie (version 2)

https://zombiecupcake.blogspot.com/2010/06/donkey-punch-2008.html

Zombie Cupcake: Donkey Punch

It seems that British cinema will allow for anything to be filmed as long as it has a strong moral message. Oliver Blackburn’s "Donkey Punch" teaches that the western culture derived practice of the missionary is safest while providing the audience with gratuitous nudity (for both genders to enjoy), graphic violence, and "John Carpenter’s Halloween’s" extreme punishment for the partaking in vices.

Tammi’s friends Lisa and Kim decide that she needs a break from the monotony and cheating boyfriends of Leeds, so they take a holiday to Spain’s Mediterranean coast. Being college kids, they decide to party in stereotypical fashion, drinking and flirting. During their bar hopping, they meet up with the four-man British crew of a yacht, and Lisa decides that is the perfect place to party. Drinks are poured, drugs are had, and kinky story are told. With all of the influences, the girls head for the master bedroom for an amateur video session with three of the guys, and they all find out that some of the sex acts are just myths when one of the girls is accidentally killed.

The boys are not supposed to be away from port, and the girls cannot not be allowed release the tape, so the crew has to come up with a way to hide what happened. With all the actions to conceal the crime, distrust reigns over the boat, and it soon becomes every person for themselves. The question soon changes from what story will be told to the authorities to who is going to survive to tell it.

If the intense moments were not so infrequent, "Donkey Punch" would be the ultimate tribute to John Carpenter. It treats all of the characters as if they were in a late 70's early 80's horror flick, but ultimately the “trust no one” attitude will decide the characters’ fate. The violence is clever and the transition from the first to second act is awesome. Problems with the script occur when unity among the characters breaks down, and the audience has to sit through a lot of dragged out attempts to create clever twists.

Carpenter would have killed a character and immediately prepare the audience to get ready for the next death. The audience is anticipating who will turn evil next instead of why they are going to turn to the dark side. Blackburn spends too much time on the why, and the film suffers. It is clear that the story will become boys versus girls, so let us cut to the showdowns. Of course that would make the picture only 75 minutes long, but sometimes less is more.

If you are not in the mood to rent a horror film, "Donkey Punch" is a good psychological alternative. It is by no means Alfred Hitchcock, Brian de Palma, or Christopher Nolan, but it delivers on what most people seek when they go to the video store. Gore, nudity, and a slightly above par script make it tolerable and it has an extra bonus the casual viewer. It is technically foreign cinema, so they have expanded their viewing horizons across the Atlantic.

Truck Stop Thoughts 2007: Gayest Blog Ever (version 2)

Current mood: depressed

Let's see. I don't want to bug my readers by posting my latest, "Wish Cindy's cat would smother me in my sleep" journal, so let me finally present the world with the gayest blog ever.

I am not saying that I will not post that fatality by feline fantasy (I kinda got an Ezra Pound like love for my work), so please say a prayer for something positive to inspire me in the next week.

"I was going to call it Peterland, but the gay bar by the airport already took it," Peter Griffin, President of Petoria.

Seth McFarland showed me how far behind Peoria is with the times. Peoria lacks a great gay bar.

No offense to Diesel...Visions...whatever that place on main with the rainbow flag is called, but all P-Town has is a techno bar, and a convenient place for free condoms.

Who really wants to go to depressing dives like the health department or Plan Parenthood? If you are going to PP for condoms, screw that. If you are there, spend the 32 bucks so that you can have sex with some sensation. Why is it Plan B instead of Luxury A?

Diesel shows us that tax payers' money need not go to health departments (so suck on that Michael Moore), but it doesn't show me any guys I'd like to nail.

Is catering to the metro audience worth denying us male eye candy?

Peoria does not advertise itself to the homosexual community since sub par pirates of the backside are its representatives. There is no reason for people to come out to Diesel.

The area is obviously homophobic. Too many country music stations, and a lack of queer bar by the airport (and lack of service to SF). It's either homophobia, or just a taste for incest.

The classic assumption is that homophobes are closet cases. Perhaps with an outlet, we could make everyone in the area a little less uptight (believe me that pun was inadvertent).

My theory is that we are not making coming out attractive enough. No, it is that we are not making it obvious enough.

Why should the anally fixated (thanks Stef for adj) go to a place where they have to wade through drunk chicks who are trying to "experiment", and whose drink specials are Pucker shots.

What about fuzzy navels of other shots with sex related names? If you are out at Diesel on a weekend, you are obviously looking for a blow job. What about Mojitos? Mojitos...may not sound gay enough I guess.

What Main Street needs is a bar that the "Buy Now" singlets on E-Bay that are too gay for the wrestling business are the encouraged dress code of the wait staff. This would make my searches for wrestling gear a lot easier. A bar that caters to gays that would even make me question this straight gig (What can I say, I know they want me).

More importantly a bar that screams FABULOUS. Like:

The Cock Dock

The Adam's Apple (Stef thinks that the bar on Main that had that name was misleading)

Peoria's Pals (the name shouldn't be exclusive to unwanted pets)

Man-i-a

The Smoking Polar Bear

PRIDE and Joy of Illinois

Cumming and Goings

Any other suggestions?

Peoria just needs to be more interesting, and have more places that play techno. Perhaps all cities need Freaky Fuckin' Fag Franchises.

Tokyo Godfathers: A Nearly Lost Tale of Understanding (At least I can relate)

I guess I've officially consider my financial state to be poor. This is because my shift at the front desk is just dragging on. Eight o'clock is the time that I like to start thinking about blogging, but it's 7:00 pm hence I've ran out of things to do with the Internet. At least things that I can afford to do with my time.

Tokyo Godfathers - The lightest fare I've seen from Kon

So, I gotta stay away eBay (despite there is an unusual abundance of blank championship belts for under $60.00) and Amazon (I can't even swing $35...better make sure my Nerd Block gets cancelled...shit, too late [crappy websites won't get a link regardless of the cool anime stuff I received]). Thus, I have to come up with a new plan to work around this, and further emphasize the need to get "Guy Does Finishing Moves on Zombies," to promote "Main Event of the Dead" finished. I'll throw that pitch at the bottom of the blog.

Fortunately, Netflix came through for me when I received Satoshi Kon's "Tokyo Godfathers." Sadly, renting it through this service is the most affordable way to do so (I really should have booted up my Window Vista PC, my Dazzle Video Import hardware and Roxio software...first time I ever consider using the tech for piracy). When you consider the old movies that may never see streaming services, the $7.99 DVD service is really worth it. And it kind of makes you have to watch it ASAP because if you do not, you negate the value of your purchase (like cancelling Nerd Block too late..."Evangelion," worth 35/"Mr. Bean," not worthless). This also makes my "not going to get shitfaced nights" dedicated to watching new flicks (to me) so I'll can get back into the practice of writing movie reviews. I figure my knowledge of film should further support why "Guy Does Finishing Moves on Zombies," to promote "Main Event of the Dead" needs to be completed. If he knows the medium so well, surely his script (that you can get a treatment of by e-mailing russthebus07@gmail.com) can't be too bad.

Keep in mind, this course of action will only occur on nights that I'm not going to be a poor bore at the front desk. I need to save my other sober nights for "Disney Infinity" and "Infamous."

Read this motion pictures review at NinetyforChill.com - A More Acceptable Runtime.

The "Main Event of the Dead" Test Reel Needs:

Someone with some makeup or special effects experience.
The true antagonist of the feature is a woman, so an actress to set up the premise of "Main Event of the Dead."
Three or four wrestlers to take the finishing moves.
One or two wrestlers to deliver the moves.
A wrestling ring with a canvas that can afford to be left a little messy. If we can get extra from the crowd-funding campaign, we'll make replacing it a priority.

Since this is an effort to try and make this feature a reality, I can really only afford to compensate what ever is spent to make this video. I am willing to negotiate terms on what compensation will be for performances before the reel goes online. If whatever raised can cover the compensation agreed to, even if I do not reach the goal to produce the film, compensation will be had.

If you need a treatment of the script for "Main Event of the Dead" please e-mail me at russthebus07@gmail.com.

MFK: Hans Gruber, Consumerism, Gender Neutral Santa

I was not made aware of any renovations (despite the signs upon entering the establishment).
You should have let us know the TV channels were down when we made the reservation (seven days prior).
That is not the price the tag said (how were they suppose to know the tag said that was not the item).
So your price match guarantee is false (no, we prefer liquidate when we are in the red).

Best case scenario, they think because it is about the guy who turned water into wine, miracles are not much to ask for. Free stuff is even less trivial.

And then they bitch about socialism and scream for austerity.

It is only wonderful for the consumer. The labor must maintain that status for them.

The season has even has me questioning my liberal values. Why is the rape song okay but comedians being taken out of context isn't (yes that's is a defense for Louie CK and Ricky Gervais?

Head Trip Trilogy 2010: A Odd Look at the 5th Stage of Grief

Thanks for the abandonment assholes

We are sorry that this is true, but you are a fucking loser, and we can't stand you bitching about it.

Let it be 2010 because 2012 is too far away.

imgur.com - "A dump a day keeps the crippling depression at bay," pt. 1

What needs to be changed?

Donkey Punch: A great what if movie

Zombie Cupcake: Donkey Punch

Truck Stop Thoughts 2007: Gayest Blog Ever