NinetyForChill: The #Podcast: Rare Exports with @TheReal7Ceez

 NinetyForChill.com: The #Podcast

Episode 99: Rare Exports with @TheReal7Ceez.

Rare Exports with @TheReal7Ceez

December 20, 2022

7Ceez from "The No On 15! All Cast" makes his debut appearance on "NinetyForChill: The #Podcast" to explore how Finland sees Father Christmas. He and Cool Movies Darth discuss the horror-themed fun that is "Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale". This is a film where Krampus is nothing more than King Kong to Santa's Denzel Washington. He ain't got s*** on him or his band on naked elves.

Allow me to get out of third-person. Happy Prof. Shurtleff of Illinois Central College? I (CM Darth) will try not to make so much light of violent death in this summation. This is my declaration of changing perspective.

I have been doing a bit of catch up when it comes to listening to "The No On 15! All Cast", but 7Ceez and his friends have always delivered fun content. Sometimes it is sheer chaos like "The Gift of Sho-nuff Shaun vs Rahuhl the Zeltron on Batman 89'" bonus episode. Regular episodes like "Flight of the Navigator feat. Raph from The Geeky Dad and The Podsquad", have a solid format, but you know it will get a little nuts when a guest is randomly selected to sum up the film being covered in 30-seconds while impersonating a character from that feature.

I have a tendency to listen to movie podcast episodes that are dedicated to films that I have seen. "No On 15!" has done a lot of eighties movies, many of which I would like to do on this podcast. It did not surprise me that 7Ceez wanted to do "Better Off Dead", but being a Paramount Film, the likeliness of it being available on a streaming a service that most have access to would make it a trickier title for me to watch (Star Trek peaked at Next Gen...full stop.)

Of course I tracked down a DVD of the feature at Barnes & Nobles (It hurts me to relent to standard definition.), but before the hunt that I was determined to come through on, 7Ceez suggested Finnish Christmas horror movie, "Rare Exports". Since I have gotten a lot of mileage out of "Deadly Games", it makes a lot of sense to keep up with the fascination of Europe's perverted takes on Saint Nick.

Pardon the interruption to this episode's narrative. That is my shortcut to not removing the below portion of this cut and paste job.

I have determined that I just need to find a cohost for two weeks of the month. There will be invitations sent out to people I have had on the show that I think fit my attitudes. If you want to apply, send an email to russthebus07@gmail.com. We could do both recordings in one night. The only issue with that is that I will be more shitfaced than usual.

"Rare Exports" is about Pietari. He is a boy who lives with his father in the wilderness of Finland near a town that is dependent upon the annual Reindeer hunt. There has been some excitement outside of venison slaughter. At the beginning of December, an Anglo/American expedition is doing some seismic research on the mountain nearby.

Boys being boys, Pietari and his bullyish pal Juuso have done a little snooping around the site. Here they discover that this is not a geological dig, but an archeological project. The man paying for this excavation is determined that they are on the grave where the real Santa Claus was buried. This creates an existential conundrum for our protagonist. Santa is dead? What has he been believing in? Who has been lying to him?

Somehow, Pietari has found a bunch of old books about Santa. He discovers that Father Christmas is not a man, but a demon who lives to punish everyone who is naughty, children in particular. By Christmas Eve, all of the children in the area have been replaced with straw dolls and anything that heats up like hair dryers and radiators have been stolen. The parents do not consider believing Pietari until an old man falls into his father's wolf trap.

They believe the old man to be one of the diggers from the mountain, but are disturbed because he has the ability to smell and become hyper focused on children. Their only lead to what is going on is a radio they found on the stranger and the calls out by the financier for updates on whether or not Santa has been secured. 

This is a brisk movie that successfully builds up anticipation through its runtime. You enjoy the pressure our smarter than his father hero places on himself to accept that he is the only one who can save the day. The film being foreign to us Americans is to its benefit since 7Ceez and I want to understand how the hell we are not getting these cool movie ideas in the states. That, and why did all the elves need to offer full-frontal nudity.

A Heads Up: With the year coming to a close, this edition of Ally's Accessories Shop on Etsy's Trash Feature Revue needs to be concluded. So this episode will open with my takes on the Thai-funded, Western crossover-starring revenge feature, "Zero Tolerance". If you want to bypass this review, jump to about the seven minute mark on the show.

Follow me on Twitter @catbusruss. If you want to be on the show, contact me on Twitter or send an email to russthebus07@gmail.com. All we need is a theme, movie, director, or actor and a focus on sub 100-minute material. As long as the credits start before the 1:39:59 mark on the runtime bar, the movie qualifies.