Monday, June 27, 2022

NinetyForChill: The #Podcast - Christopher Lambert: There Can Be Only One Definitive Podcast*

NinetyForChill.com: The #Podcast

Episode 74: Christopher Lambert: There Can Be Only One Definitive Podcast* (From a Central Illinois-based podcaster).

Christopher Lambert: There Can Be Only One Definitive Podcast*

June 28, 2022
*Cool Movies Darth does not claim that this episode of NinetyForChill: The #Podcast is the end-all-be-all audio documentation of Christopher Lambert's career. CM Darth reviews two of his favorite Lambert sub 100-minute movies (Stuart Gordon's "Fortress" and Paul W.S. Anderson's "Mortal Kombat"), the film that spawned his most renowned franchise "Highlander", and, because all of the sequels qualify, "Highlander III".

Allow me to get out of third-person. Happy Prof. Shurtleff of Illinois Central College? I (CM Darth) will try not to make so much light of violent death in this summation. This is my declaration of changing perspective.

While we are contextualizing, please forgive me for the spelling error in the promotional picture. It was a pain enough trying to get one of my cats in the mood to pose (They did not.). Spell checking was not a priority. That maybe something Corel Clip Studio Paint should incorporate into their program.

This is another episode that was pulled out of no where. We had a guest scheduled this week to provide the audience with a weird double feature (the indie wrestling mockumentary "Kayfabe" and Edgar Wright's "Shaun of the Dead"), but that guest was a no show. Thus, I decided to go to four comfort films I own that all happened to star legally blind, French-American actor Christopher Lambert.

Two of the features were originally meant to be part of season three of Ally's Accessories Shop on Etsy Trash Feature Revue but with "Fortress" to represent "F" and "Highlander: The Final Dimension" representing "H", I would probably have resorted to find a Lambert movie for "G".

The only feature that would immediately qualify for that letter was "Gunmen". I think one feature with Mario Van Peebles as his costar is enough. But, it would be fun to try and watch a movie that also featured Patrick Stewart and Dennis Leary as villains.

My guest cancelled on Thursday, so I only had four nights to get all these movies in. So, the films in this episode are addressed in the order that I watched them. Trying to crusade against YouTube's sponsorship of GOP Fascist Rodney Davis, I immediately took to recording the reviews onto Audacity. The result is me not worrying about trying to get them under 2 minutes 18 seconds (the time Twitter would allow me to upload) and just talk and edit accordingly.

"Fortress" was the first film of the binge. I do not know why, but I never associated it with Stuart Gordon. This was probably the first Gordon feature I saw (Cinemax was a little more open to showing that in the late 90s over "From Beyond" or "Re-Animator".), and being on late night cable did not allow me to give it my full attention. Upon this rewatch, that assessment was unfair.

If "Total Recall" was not camp enough for you, Stuart Gordon makes up for it. The only thing the cast is missing is Barbara Crampton. You have Vernon Wells (best remembered as Bennett in "Commando"), Clifton Collins Jr. while he was still Clifton Gonzalez Gonzalez, Kurtwood Smith before he was Red Foreman, and Gordon stallworth Jeffry Combs as a hippie. It still has the body horror that you expect from the patron saint of the podcast and a lot of unexpected nudity from both sexes. "Fortress" is a piece of fried VHS gold.

Because I shared a gif from the film on my Twitter profile (@catbusruss) asking for a guest to chat about it, "Mortal Kombat" made it to this episode. I will stand by this feature being better than the fun 2021 video game adaptation, but when you have Chinese monks being in awe of a white European thunder god, this is a product of its time. Still, the latest version of the property could have benefited by having a Rayden with a notable laugh like Lambert's. BD Wong would be my choice.

The second half of the podcast is dedicated to my favorite and at one time least favorite feature from the "Highlander" franchise. This means we have plenty of content available from the Clan MacLeod to do a proper "Highlander" episode. If you need to borrow the "Highlander" anime "Highlander: The Search for Vengeance", the email is russthebus07@gmail.com.

This resulted in a reassessment of the third feature that I originally thought was too risque (or European if you saw the commercials during "Highlander: The Series" reruns for the VHS tapes that kept all the racy European exclusive content). There is a lot of silliness, but if you love any of the films to that point or the TV series for that matter, it is still a lot of fun. Upon watching Russell Mulcahy's original, I realized the reason most of the sequels/spinoffs fail is because they just lack the epic scope of the 1986 classic. For that, I will forgive the extra six minutes from the perfect runtime. Mulcahy's sloppy direction on the other hand...

Follow me on Twitter @catbusruss. If you want to be on the show, contact me on Twitter or send an email to russthebus07@gmail.com. All we need is a theme, movie, director, or actor and a focus on sub 100-minute material. As long as the credits start before the 1:39:59 mark on the runtime bar, the movie qualifies.

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The Undrafted and Wrongfully Drafted

"Bull Durham" was not drafted on the Baseball Draft (A film that can only be drafted at #1)
"No Fear of a Black Hat" on the Fictional Band Mini-Mega Draft
The entire George Lucas Draft
"The Birdcage" instead of "La Cage Aux Folles" on the Drag Draft
"Road Trip" was not even mentioned during the Road Trip Draft
"Major League" instead of "Drop Zone" on the Wesley Snipes Draft
"Black Swan" instead of "Mermaids" on the Wynona Ryder Draft
"Akira" instead of "Ghost World" on the Comic Book Movie (Non-Super Hero) Draft. Tetsuo is a Supe.
"Now You See Me" instead of "Diggstown" on the Con Artist Movie Draft
"The Onion Movie" instead of "Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex * But Were Afraid to Ask" on the Sketch Comedy Anthologies Draft
"The Big Lebowski" not being marked eight on the Coen Bros. Draft
"Labrynth" or "Dark Crystal" not receiving the number 1 or 2 spot in the Jim Henson Draft
"Stage Fright" on the Giallo Draft. It is a slasher despite the presentation.
"Assault of Precinct 13" and "Prince of Darkness" Instead of "Escape from New York" and "The Thing" on the John Carpenter Draft
"Con Air" instead of "US Marshalls" and "Universal Soldier" instead of "Time Cop " on the 90's Action Draft
"WarGames" instead of "Spies Like Us" on the Cold War Draft
"Traffic" instead of "Side Effects" on the Steven Soderbergh Draft
"Fight Club" instead of "The Virgin Suicides" on the 1999 Draft ("Suicides" made the Actor Directorial Debut Draft)
Any Kirk Douglass instead of "The Shining" being on the Kubrick Draft
"Return of the Jedi" instead of "Tokyo Drift" on the Threequels Draft (there's only one "Return," okay, and it ain't "of the King," it's "of the Jedi.")

Deserves a Second Chance

Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016).

I find the DC movies, or at least Zack Snyder, was trying to bring comic books to the big screen as opposed to adapting comic books for the big screen. If you read, (or watch the excellent animated adaptation of) "The Dark Knight Returns", it is a very slow build to the battle between the Bat and Supe. This is regarded as one of the best threads in comics.

As a guy who fell in love with wrestling in the 1980's, the very methodical showdown is what I loved. It's a love letter to comic book fans who read and note every detail and want to try figuring out the plot before the character do. Come at the flick this way, and I think you will get something out of it.

Tropic Thunder (2008)

This is a feature that dares you to be offended. When director Ben Stiller is that forthcoming like Robert Downey Sr. was with 1969's "Putney Swope", an audience saying that something is in poor taste, hence not funny, means they are afraid to make a mockery of a concept.

My own experience with junkies bankrupting me allows me to thoroughly enjoy Jack Black's making addiction seem ridiculous. Robert Downey Jr. nails his taboo performance and I would say helps the call for actors from a demographic to be the first people called on for the roles representing them. As for the "Forest Gump" knock off jokes, they serve as a way to ridicule us for what we accepted (and encouraged) as fine a decade prior. The narrative that controls the pace in the second act can drag, but the content that is delivered cannot be cut.

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