90 min. Amazon Prime: "Golgo 13: The Professional" and Sick Trump Fantasy

*Blog started on March 31, 2020.

My 67 and 72 year-old parents are doing fine during the pandemic. Dad is probably a little bored without the grandchildren to spoil. Mom suggested that I call him after I spoke to her. I am not from a broken home, they just have their own preferred spaces in the house. Thus, she could not have just handed the phone over to him. They either screen and/or ignore the landline.

The boredom I suspect from my dad was apparent because in our six-minute conversation, he wanted to fill out my proxy vote for my single WWE stock. I think he was a little let down that I said it was pointless with Vincent Kennedy McMahon owning hundreds of thousands multiple-vote stocks compared to my single single-vote one. But, with no sports, what were we going to talk about?

As for Mom, everything was on the table in terms of our 39-minute conversation, politics being the primary subject. I should say seemingly because it may determine the future of my niece and nephew, it is unavoidable. Perhaps I need to get her on Twitter (find me @maineventzombie), so she can troll millennials. A part of me thinks Mom wants to argue and she knows I am good for that.

Obviously, I do not watch all of the same sources of news that she does. Actually, we follow most of the same with the exception of her with Fox News and whatever soulless network on DirecTV that airs Bill O'Reilly while I have HBO and read the Huffington Post. Guest I am my mother's son...the disappointing one (It is tough to compete with the little brother with the CNA and CDL who outgrew being a roadie.), but her son none the less.

Her biggest issue was all the good things the stimulus had that she thought was House Democrat pork. The House Democrats are Nancy Pelosi (with the exception of The Squad who she feels need to be filtered while Donald Trump does not). Which ever brainwashing station her mind was drying from said that Pelosi's daughter wish COVID-19 on Trump. I did not bring up the president mocking Mitt Romney when he was responsible enough to go into self isolation, or my other blog post this week where I asked which one of the assholes on Pennsylvania Ave should come down with it.

This leads me to the tip toing around spoilers for 1983's "Golgo 13: The Professional". An affluent family incident is what the film is centered around. My sick Trump fantasy is that when he needs to past the reigns of his alleged fortune (Thank the gods my new passport came in before I saw this flick.) was that heir dying just after the exchange happened. I did not have this idea until looking back on this film, but to see the most evil American (How many undisputed war criminals held the highest office in the land?) lose his legacy seems like a fitting form of justice.

Since no one deserves to die (I got to stick by my principles.), Ivanka, Donald Jr., Eric or Baron going "Inception" on Donald's ass is far more ideal. Science be praised for my rationality. Unfortunately, Trump is not a rational man. Unless his fortune is a total fabrication, he would probably only be willing to relinquish his reigns to look good, not because it would be the right thing to do. If this scenario came to be, he would love to see his offspring die so that he can still run things the way he thinks should be.

So, Donald J. Trump is more evil than a villain who trains his elementary school-aged granddaughter to shoot someone down at an airport, releases condemned serial killers, and pimps out his daughter-in-law to gain vengeance. If he were to read this blog (May as well tag him, I have not made a threat.), he would probably make sure that Baron was good with a 9mm. Good thing he does not seem to want to share Ivanka. I guess I best not @realdonaldtrump when I promote this blog. Thanks "Golgo 13" for further realizing how fucked my homeland is.

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Golgo 13: The Professional

Duke Togo is the greatest hitman of the past two centuries (There was a brilliant "Golgo 13" anime TV show produced in the late ought's). Only his handlers may have a clue to where he came from or who he was, but when a near impossible assignation occurs, it is safe to presume that it was the man who goes by the codename Golgo 13. Thus, after oil baron Leonard Dawson's son was sniped on the day of succession, Dawson devotes all his resources to kill Togo. Because he could destroy the American economy by pulling his financial interests, the Pentagon and CIA have no choice but to accept this mission. The only question, is that enough to defeat the only man who can make the impossible possible?

"Golgo 13: The Professional" serves as an example of what your James Bond knock off should be. The graphic violence and ruthless nature make loud enough statements that the viewer wants to get to the next action sequence, exposition be damned. I would not be surprised if it did not encourage set pieces by directors like James Cameron, Len Wiseman and John Woo (which in turn suggests Quentin Tarantino).

The animation provides a perfect blend of action, comic book stills, and innovation. Switching from a still seemingly ripped from the manga to the kill shots sets a high standard for the action sequences which the film delivers on. While the CG is out of place, you cannot help but be impressed by graphics that are 12 years ahead of its time. It is still used well enough to provide inspiration for films to come (like the Harrier battle in "True Lies").

If I had any complaints, I could say that the traditional animation quality is not that of 1970's Disney, but it is on par with the time, so that was hardly worth noting. Some of the plot points are gut punches, and you ponder how can they come up with and show such sexual brutality. As I stated at the start of the critique, the stakes are so high, you just want to see them resolved. They serve as a great pacing device and since anime loves to take these liberties, at least it feels somewhat appropriate.

A genuine complaint that I do have is that I wish I could have seen this dubbed. With all of the characters having English names (The Sicilian mob boss early on in the film is Dr. Z whose daughter is Cindy.), it would have felt right. But after "Demon City Shinjuku", Digital Media Rights definitely would have avoided updating the old Streamline Pictures or Central Park Media English voice tracks to sound appropriate.

"Golgo 13: The Professional" is an anime that will please any action movie fan or animation lover. It presents a solid and occasionally awe-inspiring product visually and features a story that 80's Stallone and Schwarzenegger would love to have read for. The subtleness of a Bond film is present, so no movie-goer can claim that it is not their thing. This flick is not perfect, but you got to be impressed that it could be someday.