Nobody has the nerve to care

I own a cynical T-shirt (imagine that) that mocks Twitter with the blue bird spouting out, "Nobody Cares." It's ironic in a sense because I love to tweet, and for the most part believed as to be a true statement based on the lack of constructive feedback from my 300 friends on the Internet.

My seemingly pessimistic (I will still stand by realistic) outlook may not be unjust, but it leaves me pondering when my cat will let an A&E camera crew into the apartment while I am at work for a surprise intervention. The little furball is sneaky like that.

The issue I have is that the "help" my friends seem oh so willing to give catches me by surprise. The feedback seems to be directed at my family members instead of myself. Damn that is irritating.

No one knows how to put @russthebus on Twitter? Have people forgotten how to use the comment field on Facebook?

Why do people prefer to say that I am fucked up to my family rather than to just let me have it? If one thing everyone who knows me will tell you, I'm not afraid to accept to hurtful comments if I leave myself open to it.

I do not have family on my networks because I am not prepared to worry them. I thought we turn to friends first because we know who it will hurt the most. The few times they have followed me, they decide to address my closest family about my problems instead of me.

It is a fact that bad things that are second hand lead to over reactions, and it is not helpful when these reactions lead my family to panic attacks which they convert into anger when I am faced with it.

If my problems need my family's input, I will tell them. I tweet some bleak shit because I am hoping I can figure this stuff out before I cause them pain. The reason I SCREAM this out to "friends" is because I am looking for new observations about my issues, and hopefully I could use those to move forward.

Never mind the fact that I already have a pretty good idea how my family will react. It almost makes me worry about giving them a key to my place when one of them tells me "I heard this from..."

And I will just fucking say it. If I am going to do something stupid (please get this implication), I am just going to do it. Fuck talking about it. If I stop speaking my mind, I am fucked.

I know the vast majority of you think there is nothing to say, but fuck, I am always thinking (and yeah that might be my biggest problem), you are telling me you cannot come up with a written slap in the face or a way to repackage "hang in there." Merriam-Webster.com has a fucking thesaurus.

In the end, this entire thing about communication is my fault. Good think I dropped out of this at ICC. I have to redo my social nets because I am friends with a lot of people that I should not be. For me, the net is about self expression/promotion and I have pretty good idea about who can accept that.

At least for me, it is not meant for me to get reacquainted with those who won't understand who I am at this time. Fuck, for the most part, I feel that they did not understand me back then.