A Pitch to Those Who Want to See My Brain Matter Splattered

I hate the title I gave to this blog. It is definitely the most suitable headline. The only reason for my personal disdain is that may limit this former child star's creative chops when it comes to the finishing of my film "Main Event of the Dead." (Drop me an email at russthebus07@gmail if you have ideas or want a story treatment.) Then again, during my review of the blog, this may have been the only self-deprecating portion of it.

If you get to call yourself a porn "star" because you screw on film once, surely having an agent and more too offer than Macaulay Culkin (John Hughes missed out on three stellar, authentic Midwestern performances) allows me to claim that, at one time, I had more importance than a waiter with a script in Los Angeles who would not be filmed when they blew a producer to get a meeting.

That rant should indicate that Dad and I indeed went to see Auggie Smith at the Jukebox Comedy Club. His set featured the best satire I've seen since late 90's Dennis Leary. He may have even been more poignant than the Bostonian.

This means I am going to have to devote my time to catching up on Bill Hicks instead of writing with my limited spare time between the two jobs. Since writing about my exploits with unattainable women has been the latest subject on my mind to document, a little research into the true art of post Lenny Bruce satirical stand-up sounds like the best option for me and my perceived readership. Too bad the two jobs also prevented me from having the time to formulate a message to promote Smith's ability as he had two more shows that needed tickets sold this past weekend.

Fortunately, the two job thing maybe short lived. Scheduling difficulties may result in the one that takes up the most time while paying the least (the statement can only be considered the opinion of a Kohl's employee [start date 4/30/15]) becoming incompatible for both parties. At least I got the heavy discounts and a line of credit out of it. Perhaps the hotel needs to develop one of those points programs with attached employee discounts. It may make the thumb-twiddling seem more like Mr. Burn's "excellent" pose.

What's fortuitous about the situation is that it allows me more time to tighten up my hold-to-hold wrestling and get use to adrenaline highs while training at the DTM Dojo (it's that or get use to heroin in my system again, but that dragon chasing is tough). But with a booking in Peoria or Chicago being two-to-three months from realization, I need some creative outlet to put the bumps towards.

Thus, why not promote "Main Event of the Dead" by taking the "Shaun of the Dead" approach to basically recreating the famous(?) "Guy Who Does WWE Finishing Moves on Girls" YouTube video as my crowd-funding test reel. Just replace the girls with zombies, suggest the premise of the feature a bit, and feel rewarded that I took out the misogyny the original YouTube video featured. Who knows? It may end up being better than the Jim Ross, Paul Heyman and Madusa starring sequel (shown below).

My only issue with the strategy is, I will probably have to get killed a couple of times before we even start shooting. After watching "Franklyn*," I further appreciate that t'he dreams in which I am dying are the best I have ever had,' but I only have so many lucha masks to destroy in the name of cinema (bad taste to use my Pegasus Kid and Blue Blazer hoods?). And...I planned to give myself one of the bigger roles (I have established my stardom).

I should step away from my own dilemma that this promotional effort places me in (I have realized that this is a B-Movie and a horror flick, so continuity doesn't necessarily prevent my original self-casting plans) and discuss what I need to make this video work.

The "Main Event of the Dead" Test Reel Needs:

• Someone with some makeup or special effects experience.
• The true antagonist of the feature is a woman, so an actress to set up the premise of "Main Event of the Dead."
• Three or four wrestlers to take the finishing moves.
• One or two wrestlers to deliver the moves.
• A wrestling ring with a canvas that can afford to be left a little messy. If we can get extra from the crowd-funding campaign, we will make replacing it a priority.

Since this is an effort to try and make this feature a reality, I can really only afford to compensate what ever is spent to make this video. I am willing to negotiate terms on what compensation will be for performances before the reel goes online. If whatever raised can cover the compensation agreed to, even if I do not reach the goal to produce the film, compensation will be had.

If you need a treatment of the script for "Main Event of the Dead" please e-mail me at russthebus07@gmail.com.

So a month away from blogs, and I am back without too much self-loathing. Guess I just needed sometime away from myself...or a one nighter with a dancer 13 years my junior. The wrestler in me really needed "You Still Got It Chants" to make that night absolutely perfect.

*A British Film from 2008 featuring Ryan Phillippe and Eva Green that tries to bring an early Alex Proyas film into a somewhat realistic realm--very good, but why didn't director/writer Gerald McMorrow try to hand it off to Proyas, thus keeping "The Dark City" director away from the typical Nicolas Cage performance that was "Knowing?"