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Thursday, December 23, 2021

Tits As a Metaphor and 90-minute Discoveries of 2021: R to Z

*This blog post was started on December 21, 2021.

Time is not on my side when it comes to publishing blogs before the year ends. Am I really expected to be posting while I am in Disney World, hopefully?

With omicron (Am I the only one having fun learning the Greek alphabet during the pandemic?) becoming the dominant variant, ThePoeticCritic's paranoia about this family vacation going tits up maybe warranted. I say this because our younger sister is an elementary school teacher whose husband just got over a break through case of delta. She may want to call the trip off.

What I fear is that because she is the only one of my siblings who has not been to England (something she brings up when she wants to get on our parent's tits), her daughter will do the same thing to her if the trip gets cancelled. "Big Brother got to go when he turned five, but I couldn't." It is justice that she act the same way as her mom, but no one should be acting like her mom (at least the version of her mom that had yet to graduate university).

Of course, if you listen to the impromptu episode on "NinetyForChill.com - The #Podcast", "Buddy the Elf and His Zombie Diary", my big sister states how it does not look good that I will get the opportunity to build a light saber at "Galaxy's Edge". I hate to get all schadenfreude, but if I must suffer, maybe all should. Let it be known fate, that is a joke, not an attempt to tempt you.

The biggest problem with a cancelled trip is that my vacation time will be used up on the first week of January. It would make my attempt to succeed in my annual resolution to eat something Buffalo (sauce)-flavored every day easier, but my cats can only stand so much of me not having anything to do. Do not doubt that. They are cats. I do not need to get on those six sets of tits.

As I type this, my manager is telling me about the plans they are making with their classmates to go to Destin, Florida to celebrate their 40th birthdays. It may be the time to look for another job if my Floridian adventures get canned and theirs do not. We already have the disconnect which lead to a pro-worker diatribe on my annual self-performance evaluation. At least we are talking since I sent that rant.

At this moment, I am just disappointed that I have only used tits three previous times in this post. After the second use of it, incorporating the word into the title would have been a wacky way of talking about the remaining features that I discovered this year for NinetyForChill.com - The Website. Which movies are totally tits?

2021 Discoveries for NinetyForChill.com:
"Resident Evil: Extinction" to "The Zombie Diaries"

These are films that I am considering from the 47 available.

  • Risky Business (1983) - Paul Brickman
  • Robot Jox (1989) - Stuart Gordon
  • Rushmore (1998) - Wes Anderson
  • Santa's Slay (2005) - David Steiman
  • Shivers (1975) - David Cronenberg
  • Space Truckers (1996) - Stuart Gordon
  • Spiral: From the Book of Saw (2021): Darren Lynn Bousman
  • Stealing Havard (2002): Bruce McColluch
  • Super (2010) - James Gunn
  • Teddy Bear (2012) - Madds Matthiesen
  • Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993): Henry Selick
  • Underwater (2020): William Eubank
  • Valley Girl (1983): Martha Coolidge
  • Vicky Cristina Barcelona (2008): Woody Allen
  • Waiting for Guffman (1996): Christopher Guest
  • You're Next (2013): Adam Wingard
  • The Fly (1986): David Cronenberg
  • The Ice Pirates (1984): Stewart Raffill
  • The Lair of the White Worm (1988): Ken Russell
  • The New Mutants (2020): Josh Boone
  • The Polar Express (2004): Robert Zemeckis

The Top 10 2021 Discoveries from "Risky Business" to "The Polar Express" (In No Particular Order)

Risky Business

I think this feature maybe the prototype that all teenage sex comedies should look to. "Animal House" is a better movie, but far more problematic. The comedy in this feature is very earnest and the only thing you can really object to is the objectification of women since the second act closes with Tom Cruise running a brothel while his parents are away. In the age of OnlyFans, is that really problematic?

Rushmore

This is the first feature of Wes Anderson's (second film in his filmography) that shows his odd outlook on reality and the natural comedy that stems from it. As a nihilistic teenager, I really wish I saw this when it first came out, but I was turned off by the seemingly sophisticated Bill Murray. Granted, Morton was my home at the time, so finding a cinema showing it could have been tricky. When you sit back and watch this feature, you just wish for more and more absurdity. And it delivers. If it was not actually grounded in reality, it could have been so much more.

Spiral: From the Book of Saw

It could be recency bias since I had just rewatched it, but the film succeeds in showing the directions this franchise can be taken in. This is #ACAB torture porn inside a police procedural with many a wink to the reasons why we came to the theater to watch it. "Spiral" is the "Law & Order: SVU" episode that Dick Wolf is afraid to make.

Teddy Bear

This is just a beautiful coming of age story. It just happens that you are coming up on 40 instead of adulthood. Speaking from experience, understanding the world well enough to make those essential connections is tough. We just end up looking for those connections where boundaries are torn down (In this case, flying to Thailand and for me, frowned upon bars.). If you do not understand people like that, you may not get behind this film. Be a little more patient and understanding please.

Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas

Laika and Selick have taken stop-motion animation a long way from this point, but without it, the art form would not be where it is. The story falls into a lot of tropes, but Burton's story warps them enough so that we find this charming.

Vicky Cristina Barcelona

Here is where I fear backlash. I have yet to watch "Allen v. Farrow", but I acknowledge that the director is responsible for some of his former daughter's trauma. But that happens inadvertently to many people. It maybe difficult for me to see it as anything else since this is one of the few sexual abuse cases that did get brought into the legal system. With that said, the early '90s were not a good time for victims. The world truly is "Chinatown".

As for this feature, when you seem to be in love or want to find love with most women, I was totally enamored by the story. Actors always seem to bring their best when working with Allen, so the direction is excellent. Javier Bardem and Scarlett Johansson need more trophies.

Waiting for Guffman

There is very little to complain about with this feature. I would have loved to see this on a larger scale, but that would more than likely remove its charm. This is the first of Guest's improvised pictures, so the formula has not been worn out. If only Hollywood was not so dependent of blockbusters, we would appreciate a fresh batch of these films.

You're Next

I have yet to see a bad horror movie with Barbara Crampton as part of the cast. This has one of the most sincere final girls and once we get past the twist, you get to really root for "Home Alone" tactics to ruin the villains. It is everything I want from a horror movie.

The Fly

Jeff Goldblum and Geena Davis provide us with their best performances in Cronenberg's most down-to-earth narrative at the time. It is a slow build to the body horror that the director's reputation was dependent upon at the time, but it is very rewarding once we get to it. You can see that Cronenberg was a fully rounded director with this feature. This is probably his greatest film, but every film that he helms has a chance of being superior.

The Polar Express 

I could have done without a couple of the songs ("Hot Chocolate" was good.), and fewer lines for Eddie Deezen (We could not have found a child to portray the kid?). Tom Waits should have had Tom Hanks role(s) (I was inspired to ask for this after the hobo introduction.), this was a fine introduction to this style of motion capture animation and a very wholesome holiday story. If only "Elf's" influence on popular culture was not so grand or with a few more years to breathe, this would be a Christmas classic.

And the Final Ranking of NinetyForChill.com's 2021 Discoveries:

Will come out with the next set of blog post drops. I think this entry has become lengthy enough. Hope this will perk your interest (tits) for the conclusion.

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