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Wednesday, December 1, 2021

Thanksgiving and #Movies to Distract from the #Racism

*This blog post was started on November 26, 2021.

I hope everyone has had a good Thank the Naive Natives for Giving their land to us holiday. This year, we had our first political argument, and I am proud to say, as the only uncle present (My brother-in-law supplied the only kids.), the instigator was not me. At least I hope that is how it is remembered. The parent I call to check in on may need to be the one who did not try to encourage Kyle Rittenhouse suing the president for defamation because he was accurately called a white supremacist. If the video showing him embracing Proud Boys was not shown on Fox News, it could not have happened, is their logic.

The last time that parent was called out for being racist, they took a week to collect their thoughts and come up with a story of why the other parent wanted to cut me off for standing my ground. If they remember Thanksgiving correctly, they will know it was my nastier younger sibling who lead the charge. I may have backed their facts, like the other parent would if their spouse was flailing despite a valid argument, but I had learned not to offer a counter proposal instead of leaving them feeling betrayed.

If anything, this should have inspired me to try and pursue money over happiness just so I shan't be afraid of pissing them off. That is the lesson or I just need to knock some girl up so I have a grandchild to hold as collateral. Either angle does not seem fun. Since I am staring down $15 an hour and a month to get at least one shag in this year, neither seems feasible.

I know the standard tale of the holiday season kick off is the uncle to start strife at the holidays, but how are you suppose to handle things when its the host being close minded? If you follow my blogs, I am thankful for that and I presume you know who I am talking about. If that is the most pressing memory, the "Due Date" review I inferred in "@WWERomanReign at Least Ranks Higher than Kyle Rittenhouse" that I would transcribe at some point would be posted, is not going to be this blog.

So what to write about this week? I did not mention professional wrestling till the last sentence. My ranking for that sport seems to be a little too fresh. I suppose I could just focus on women's wrestling, but the year is winding down. With that said, my immediate concern should be ranking the movies of "NinetyForChill.com - The #Podcast". There are still some movies I need to watch before this year ends, but when I am dealing with scores of movies too judge against each other, best to get this exercise started now.

2021 Discoveries for NinetyForChill.com:
"2001 Maniacs" to "Judge Dredd"

Please pardon the lack of films that have "The" at the beginning of their title. Here are the top 23 in alphabetical order (down from 46).

  1. 2001 Maniacs (2005) - Robert Englund
  2. Bedtime Stories (2008): Adam Sandler
  3. Bill & Ted Face the Music (2020): Keanu Reeves
  4. Bit (2019): Teenage Vampire Girls 
  5. Bloodsucking Bastards (2015): Pedro Pascal
  6. Bottle Rocket (1996): Wilson Bros.
  7. Castle Freak (1995): S. Gordon
  8. Class Action Park (2020): Documentary
  9. Cobra (1986): Sylvester Stallone
  10. Dagon (2001): Stuart Gordon
  11. Dark Star (1974): John Carpenter
  12. Death Race 2000 (1975): D. Carradine
  13. Dracula/Horror of Dracula (1958): Christopher Lee
  14. Dreamland (2019): Stephen McHattie
  15. DuckTales the Movie: Treasure of the Lost Lamp (1990)
  16. Evangelion 1.01: You Are (Not) Alone (2007): Anime
  17. Event Horizon (1997): L. Fishburne
  18. eXistenZ (1999): David Cronenberg
  19. Hellraiser (1987): Clive Barker
  20. Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988): Clive Barker
  21. Hotel Transylvania (2012): Adam Sandler
  22. House on Haunted Hill (1959): Vincent Price 
  23. John Dies at the End (2012): Don Coscarelli

The Top 10 Discoveries for NinetyForChill.com: 2001 to John (in no particual order)

Bit (2019)

Going down the list, I see that I have three horror/comedies in the first six that come up. The feature with the best message and trying to advance its genre is "Bit". This is a feature that scored highly at LGBTQ+ film festivals, but I found it most interesting for attempting to allow feminism to take over the vampire features. I am sure this has been attempted in the past (Hell, "The Hunger" comes to immediate mind.), but to try and sell the conclusion that men cannot be placed into a position of power left me with the feeling of something groundbreaking. It is very low budget and indie, but director Brad Michael Elmore demonstrates he is a competent director and the performances from the coven should allow these actrors to make a living acting.

Bloodsucking Bastards (2015)

What puts this feature ahead of "2001 Maniacs" is that it is not dependent upon gore and jokes that are the lowest hanging fruit. You cannot be mad at Lin Shaye and Robert Englund hamming it up for the runtime, but the rest of the performances are very cookie cutter. The acting is far more on point in Brian James O'Connell's take on "The Office". And at this point, Pedro Pascal is more fun as an antagonist. This makes up for his short comings in "Kingsmen: The Golden Circle". "Maniacs" is more ambitious than "Bastards", which may have been a hindrance when compared to a brisk story that just gets to the point.

Bill & Ted Face the Music (2020)

If some are ready to argue that your sequel is nothing but fan service, "Bill & Ted Face the Music" shows that it can be excellent. This film offers the perfect balance between historic time travel and inept protagonists trying their damnedest to save the day. The lack of a genuine soundtrack prevents it from being as memorable as the first in the trilogy, but the fact that it took time to give us coherent reasoning to provide us with answers for everything the previous films offered cannot be overly appreciated. And despite the lack of a stand out soundtrack, integrating so many non-white musical talents lets you give it a pass. I would love to see Li'l Bill and Li'l Ted's story continue because the creative minds behind it leaves the audience with no inkling that their tale could be screwed up.

Castle Freak (1995)

It is a tough choice for this portion of the alphabet when it comes to picking the best Stuart Gordon feature. "Daughter of Darkness" is fun, but being made for American network television holds it back. Gordon's "Dagon" may be his most Lovecraftian, but I saw a lot of that this year in my film selections. You cannot go wrong with choosing the ultra-graphic feature that has his best remembered players in it doing what they do best. Jeffrey Combs and Barbara Crampton maintain their chemistry from Gordon's most regarded features ("Re-Animator" and "From Beyond") and show they do not need Lovecraft's influence to be obvious for this team to create something great.

Cobra (1986)

If you want Sylvester Stallone at his most camp and over the top, this is the feature. It is just crazy action for 90 minutes following the blue-print of "Commando". Backstory will only hold back your hero. All the audience needs to get behind a bad ass are some one liners and a sense of humor. As long as the movie get to its next scene before the audience start to ponder how realistic the tale is, they will just enjoy the ride.

Death Race 2000 (1975)

No movie screams ridiculous low-budget fun more than this feature. And it screams it without the irony of the 2017 sequel, "Death Race 2050". With David Carradine as the lead, you know Roger Corman was passionate about this Troma-prototype and the supporting cast being actors on the cusp of breaking out (primarily a villainous Sylvester Stallone) let the audience know they should take the picture seriously enough. It is just great to see that there is a feature with a simple concept that does not try to overly complicate itself. Some may say that the lack of a sequel for 42 years indicates that the film did not have the brains to do so. I say, no one could read a room better than Corman.

Dracula (a.k.a. Horror of Dracula) (1958)

This was the beginning of transforming Dracula from a costume and an accent to a well-rounded force of evil. It is brilliantly directed, the actors know what kind of movie they are in, and the effects are outstanding even greater than 1979's "Dracula". That feature only has a John Williams score to hold over its predecessor.

eXistenZ (1999)

There are a few films that this is taking the attention from when it comes to the list, but David Cronenberg is the best at creating horrific worlds that still manage to be enticing. "Dreamland" does not have as cohesive a narrative to put it above this. It is a pity that "Event Horizon" did not make the top 10 in this part of the alphabet because I dedicated a podcast to it, but it is easy to see where Paul W.S. Anderson's world came from. The true "Hellraiser in Space" is well directed, but the effects do not hold up.
 
Cronenberg kept things practical when everyone was rushing to CG. As long as you do not see the zipper, those kind of effects should always hold up. The film maybe a dumb downed version of "Videodrome", but I think that maybe a statement about how society has slipped from 1983 to 1999. Anything that James Woods feature lacks, "eXistenZ" provides.

Hellraiser (1987)

This is the feature that set the modern standard for a Hellscape. It is well acted and the visual effects are awesome. The film can drag during the killing spree to reach act three and the narrative struggles to combine its two separate stories of Julia and Kirsty coming to terms with Uncle Frank. Because of the more solid narrative, "Hellbound: Hellraiser II" might be better, but I think the mythological base the first film provides makes it more important.

John Dies at the End (2012)

I suppose it is just comforting to know that the man who directed what maybe my favorite horror feature, "Phantasm", still has it. If that does not show my age, I do not know what will. Coscarelli may not have it a decade removed. This is a comedy that is more in the vain of "Bubba Ho-Tep". A brilliant cast comes through in supporting roles and despite a seemingly non-linear story, some how it all makes sense. After my podcast with Kodiak Thompson (also my guest for the "Event Horizon" and "Dreamland" podcast), to find out there is more to this story, I think this feature demands more attention so that we can get those films.

Top 10 Discoveries of 2021: 2001 to John Ranked

These ranking are meant to allow me some idea how to shape out the all encompassing list should shape up.

  1. Bill & Ted Face the Music - Dean Parisot
  2. John Dies at the End - Don Coscarelli
  3. Dracula (a.k.a. Horror of Dracula) - Terence Fisher
  4. eXistenz - David Cronenberg
  5. Hellraiser - Clive Barker
  6. Death Race 2000 - Paul Bartel
  7. Castle Freak - Stuart Gordon
  8. Bit - Brad Michael Elmore
  9. Bloodsucking Bastards - Brian James O'Connell
  10. Cobra - George P. Cosmatos
Bill and Ted Face the Music: Popcorner Reviews
Bill and Ted Face the Music: Popcorner Reviews
 

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