Pages

Tuesday, January 14, 2020

90 Minute Family Video: "Absolon" and "The Ballad of Vinnie Jones"

I guess there are films that feature Vinnie Jones that I do not want to see. This is my latest discovery thanks to a month (Summer 2009) of trying to dedicate more time to renting instead of buying DVDs.

"Bog Body (Legend of the Bog)" seems to be too Syfy original (With a pre-WWE Sheamus in the film, I thought it was a fair assumption. it was not that ridiculous), and "Strike" starring Tara Reid must be wretched. You cannot bill Reid and expect a film to work. It only took E! one season to figure that out. The point is, unlike "X-Men: The Last Stand", "Hell Ride" and "Smokin' Aces 2: Assassins Ball", Vinnie's presence has no chance of making these films worthwhile.

The lack of Vinnie-tastic flair in the new releases leaves me going through the two-for-one dollar section at Family Video to find something interesting. Who knew Christopher Lambert has a movie that started with the Letter A? Sorry, I must have block "Adrenalin" from my mind. Come on. I cannot be the only one to think the "Species" chick was going to have a career outside of the series?

I still approach "Absolon" with some discretion. Lou Diamond Philips is no Ice Tea (Albert Pyun's "Mean Guns") and Canadian sci-fi is always an iffy investment (David Cronenberg's "Shivers" and "The Brood", regardless of opinion, can attest to that statement.) All it took the director of my favorite Bond film, (and nudity from that film's Bond girl) to buy a 25 cent VHS copy of "Point Men". That investment worked out, so I should have a little fate in the premier "Highlander".

And, you cannot say no to Ron Perlman. I have tried.

I did end up renting "Hellboy II: The Golden Army" and I sat through "Rats" on USA. You cannot mock those decisons if you are patient with Bruce Campbell, so how can this decision backfire? Christopher Lambert plus another above Bruce lister should equal cinematic joy. "Absolon" fits the equation and fifty cents is the right price.

Check out the rest of review at "Ninety For Chill: A More Acceptable Runtimes
Arena Magazine 3 - Christopher Lambert – magazine canteen
magazinecanteen.com
https://magazinecanteen.com/products/arena-magazine-3-christopher-lambert-1987

No comments:

Post a Comment