Pages

Saturday, August 31, 2019

Summer 2009: At the Gimmick (Because we can't call them movies)

Current mood:  sick

If you follow me on Twitter (twitter.com/russthebus) you are well aware of my fear of the summer flicks.

"But Reynolds plays Dead Pool, so he can't have many lines."

Perhaps, but he had enough to feature in a commercial, and I believe they have already green lit the "X-Men" spin off Van Wilder. Which makes me wonder why it directors like Eli Roth whose box office is hurt by leaked films while the faceless debut of the former second unit director is not? To be fair, is "Hostel 2" worth checking out?

You can mention that I saw "Adventureland" which was a three star flick, but for having to deal with Ryan, I should have been rewarded with a Kristen Stewart nude scene.

And the film is called "X-Mex Origins: Wolverine", so what is Scott Sommers doing in it. Maybe I do not follow comics well enough. Is there another mutant who shoots beams from his eyes?

If I am going to see a movie about Hugh Jackman's character, I want 90 minutes of Jackman's character. At no point do I want to see a character he should absolutely not know since this is a prequel. It just seems to me that the movie is like an overextended Lycan/vampire love story without Bill Nighy.

On that note, I have run into many a person who thought the latest "Underworld" flick was taking place after "Evolution", so I am certain of an assumption that people only want to see the future (probably why Trilogy fans bitch about the glitz of the Saga), so they know that this is adding to the story of Wolverine, I just think people are too dense to know when the story takes place.

Since I'm discussing the future, I should move forward to the next big movie to be released, but again, we will have to wade through the past.

Why do we have a white Goku? You know we have not given the guy who played Harold his own franchise yet. If we believe Kumar can carry a film (like "The Namesake"...and "The Rise of Taj"), why not the Korean? It could have kept him busy enough to skip "Star Trek (2009)".

Sorry Simon Pegg, you cannot count on Americans to use you well. Just ask Steve Koogan.

I might be predisposed to skip this one since I have never wanted to make the time to see a J.J. Abrams project.

Like most of America, I never watched "Alias" (even when they added Rutger Haur), and likewise I do not know why Jennifer Gardner gets lead roles.

"13 Going on 30" may have been worthwhile, but that does not make her the vagina-equipped equivalent to Tom Hanks. Hanks at least had "Bachelor Party" and "Volunteers" to appreciate him for. She has the "Daredevil" franchise. If she had a little bestiality thrown in those flicks (and they were a bit kinky with the blind screwing) perhaps we could look at her career in a different light.

Back to other things I do not know much about. "Lost" is a show that I never watched, but I worked evenings at a gas station, so aside from "Law and Order" and animated comedies, network programs are rarely anything I get into. It would also be redundant for me to watch a show called Lost.

There was no way I was going to take the time to see "Cloverfield". Until The Wrestler, I did not know of any hand-held films that were worth seeing.

Also, I remember "Godzilla" attacking Springfield (or was it the NYC, can never tell with Azaria and Sheer hanging about), and that was a rough two hours. And I like Matthew Broderick and Jean "Grandma's Daughter Screwing'" Reno. You are going to tell me that the "OC" pricks instead of character actors are going to make the monster flick worthwhile? Perhaps if they were fighting zombies.

Reminder to self, rent "Zombie Diaries" and "Diary of the Dead" (and "Land" so I'm totally caught up with the franchise), so I can skip the Kirk on Uhura action due out of May 8th.

If Kirk is going to shag the crew, he might as well be boning Spock, or buggering a Scottish-accent into our English Scotty.

No comments:

Post a Comment