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Saturday, June 15, 2019

"Underworld: Blood Wars" and R-Rated Table Reads for Kids

The original subtitle for this blog was "Maximizing the HDR but not Charles Dance." I bring up Charles Dance in the blog title having recently seen "Godzilla: King of the Monsters". Do not forget the birthday gift that your parents had gotten your significant other. There are consequences.

The original plan was to celebrate our anniversary with "John Wick 3: Parabellum" but the 4K in the living room was not enough to get her to quit pouting about the franchise even though she wanted the "puppy." So with the lack of presents as well interest, my argument that we cannot dive into the franchise without the first film fell upon deaf ears.

Enough giving into her sad faces and talk about mine. Once you invoke Eco-terrorism and give it a lead, that (Charles Dance) is the villain of your film. Until you get through this film's credits, the villain is forgotten about. It is a pretty dull flick between him escaping with the monster-control device and the last scene.

"Last Action Hero" was misguided, but Charles Dance kept it interesting. How did no one in a test audience not scream for more Royal Shakespeare Company pedigree? Especially after how "Game of Thrones" went after Tywin Lannister left.

PG-13 means live-action, kid-friendly Russ. Did you forget that? Maybe, but that is probably because I am pissed about the default PG ratings animated films now receive. Everybody poops, spits and farts MPAA. Quit trying to brain wash parents in an effort to avoid children doing that. They knew the risks.

I do not know. Perhaps, test screening the last season of "Game of Thrones" on kids could have better directed the conclusion. Aside from the brothel scene in episode 67, the boobs to dragon ratio was surprising low. The violence may have been a bit intense. My compromise, have elementary school students sit in on the table reads.

I think 50-65% of those bitching about the conclusion of "Game of Thrones" are not smarter or as patient as fifth graders. Reading to an audience like that, I would bet my left one (or any non-essential appendage or duplicate organ [just leave me with enough fingers with their matching arm to pitch] against any five-figure sum for any takers out there) they would shout bullshit when the "fans" did. Would that be any worse than when my fifth grade teacher read us all of the "Chronicles of Narnia"? At least there is no separation of church and state issues with my idea.

You would think it would be tough to get back to my latest 90-minute movie review after that rant, but I must be clairvoyant. The first word of the review I wrote in what I think was January of 2018 was...

Bookworms are tough to read as film goers.

Underworld Blood Wars:

What Happened to...gazettereview.com
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