July 2015: Wrestlers Only Read when Hate May Be Involved

I really have to come up with a more obvious way to say, "Local Wrestlers Needed for Zombie Movie." If I had found that, I probably would not have burned another bridge.

But on the flip side, I burned a bridge with those who are cool with the right that white people have to burn crosses. This may be too harsh an assessment. The promotion I am speaking of was running in the suburbs of Pekin, Illinois. Google "Pekin High School State Basketball Championship" and you will understand my implication about playing to that audience.

So, I've been an alienated mess the past week. I've been incapable of making new meaningful connections and my Facebook war with a promotion and "friends" has left me feeling rather alone. If you take into account 500 Facebook "friends" that will not tell me to try and cheer up when I say I'm better of dead, it seems my efforts are all for not.

Thus, I'm scared shitless of my try out as an AAW referee this month. My efforts are for not. Perhaps if Danny Daniels lets me getaway with my blue trim to the traditional in-ring official attire, I'll feel comfortable enough to not feel totally defeated at inevitability. I'll fall on that sword as an innovator. Not that innovative I suppose, blue just happens to be over. Why not Blue Gloves if there is a Blue Pants?

I guess that paragraph just showed that I am a pessimist. My only argument that I try to stay positive is the following: I realize if the future looks bleak, why not look into the past to feel better. That's how the only friend from high school that I keep semi-regular contact with deals with his fear of the future instead of trying to come up with goals.

Perhaps he has the right idea. Just accept what life dictates and be happy. This is probably why he claims no one should care about any of my frustrations or my depression. The world will just drop you that person who is meant to understand it all.

It seems that's the way for everyone else. You may argue that not true because of divorce rates and awful break ups. And I'll tell you that the majority of the people I know who go through that find a new relationship to break. When I've only committed a single act that could ruin a relationship while I've had friends and family who either continuously fall victim to these acts of betrayal or continually partake in them, it seems like they're having a lot more chances to have fun. If they're masochistic, they're life is a constant party.

What I've learned from the past leaves me feeling very flawed. The one thing I've always done is to strive to be the best possible person I can be, but with no future and no one who cares, what's the point.

The flaw may not be anything that can be corrected. It may just be my stupidity and stubbornness. I've never just accepted a path to being comfortable, so I've never accepted the rewards fate has bestowed seemingly on everyone who has their health. Let me correct the previous statement by saying that I've never accepted a path that is deemed acceptable by others.

No one has had faith in me since I washed out as a computer programmer. Everyone seems to just be counting on me to grow out of all my pursuits. Quit focusing on "Main Event of the Dead." none of your 525 followers (Facebook plus Twitter) have done a damn thing to say it's worth their time. Quit wanting to get back in the ring. Peoria fans have their friends to cheer, so they don't want anyone who considers it an art to distract them. Just focus on the money and work your way up into management.

Focus on the money? I've been dealing with the greed of Kohl's in my dreams, so fuck that. Report me Jeff "Ryan Phoenix/Waylon Beck" Irons for trashing the gluttonous corporation that pays me minimum wage and threatens me for not encouraging speculative economics.

And I may just be shagging my life. I guess that path may send off pheromones that tell the girls this guy will be too busy doing that to give you a decent rogering.

This may come down to the old question, is a star made or born. If they're born, they're destined to end up on top. Whatever they do will garner attention. If that's the case, there's no point for someone to pursue some skill or task that's benefits are not overtly apparent to the world. You can be a master in a field, but if you don't naturally display it, you've wasted your time.

I'm not trying to be a star, I just want to be dedicated to my passions instead of just working towards what is expected. If I don't see the point of owning more space than I need, why own a house? I'm not and may never be ready to have a family, so that house seems even more pointless.

There maybe an end to it all. My trainer, the only person who has believed in me since I was 25, has the family and didn't give up on his passion. Fuck, now I'm even more anxious about my referee debut.

The anxiety was for not AAW Vanguard [i.e. AAW NXT] folded before that show.

The "Main Event of the Dead" Test Reel Needs:

• Someone with some makeup or special effects experience.
• The true antagonist of the feature is a woman, so an actress to set up the premise of "Main Event of the Dead."
• Three or four wrestlers to take the finishing moves.
• One or two wrestlers to deliver the moves.
• A wrestling ring with a canvas that can afford to be left a little messy. If we can get extra from the crowd-funding campaign, we'll make replacing it a priority.

Since this is an effort to try and make this feature a reality, I can really only afford to compensate what ever is spent to make this video. I am willing to negotiate terms on what compensation will be for performances before the reel goes online. If whatever raised can cover the compensation agreed to, even if I do not reach the goal to produce the film, compensation will be had.

If you need a treatment of the script for "Main Event of the Dead" please e-mail me at russthebus07@gmail.com.

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