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Saturday, January 26, 2019

8/28/109: Zombie Colonel Sanders versus PETA

Current mood: creative


Sitting at the Long John Silver's/A&W drive thru, waiting for our chicken combos, my best friend pondered, "What's taking them so long?" To this I replied, "Maybe they forgot to kill the chicken before frying it."

What if you fried a live chicken? For whatever reason, the question sparked my curiosity.

With my distaste for lobster, it feels hypocritical to dive into this topic. Honestly, I don't like lobster (and red meat. Screw the surf, and fuck the turf), but I despise how it is prepared. While the lobster is alive, it is put in the boiling pot of water to be cooked. That's how you get a red lobster.

No matter what the Muppets or cartoons want you to believe, lobster are brown. Perhaps burgundy.
What's crueler than being boiled alive? Come on. Those so called crazies in the heart of civilization stopped the boiling in oil practice to their prisoners. Maybe it's the inability to learn from the experience. Now cutting off a hand, then they have something to think about and lots a time to think about it.

Couldn't we develop mini-shotguns to blow these arthropods' brains out? Is it possible to inject enough dope in them to prevent them from feeling the burn?

I'm a feminist because I believe everyone should be given equal opportunity to pursue and fulfill their dreams. And, what's the big fucking deal about masculinity any how?

Respect the twats. Do not underestimate, fuck over, or discriminate against your sisters. In the thought of non-discriminating actions, I ask, "Why do chicken's get it so easy?"

Because we don't want to eat feathers. Damn, that's an easy answer for the "why". But what about the what if?

Would their really be that much of a mess? Is the time to cook a live bird the same as a dead one? Is a rubber band required to keep the wings from flapping?

PETA WOULD BE PISSED RUSS!

Then we sedate the chicken. Xanax, vicodin, depakote, or whatever you choose.

Just think of it as a perfectly moist turkey. You can eat to get your fill, and suffer the same drowsy effects.

Fuck Denny's. I have just engineered the true Super Bird.

That's Nerdilicious
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