Monday, December 1, 2014

Where's the WWE Union and Where's "No Holds Barred 2: Return of the Lazy Eye?"

Why is it when you feel like Tim Roth shouting at a guy who just lost an ear, variables always seem to get thrown at you that prevents relief, even on your day off? I am assuming bronchitis, so my high alcohol tolerance preventing me from trying to get a hang over to spew the ills away is Mr. Blonde bullshit. "Escape from New York" being too good to be background noise, thus demanding my total attention preventing me from writing this blog, is Mr. Pink saying I won't get the medical care I need (we'll call that sleep). Hopefully my go to audio ambiance, the Tiny Lister classic "Men of War," will at least shut Chris Penn up, and finishing this blog for eternal (I wish) slumber will be Mr. White's bullet.

For more metaphors related to "Reservoir Dogs," ask about seeing the treatment for "Main Event of the Dead," my pro-wrestling zomcom screenplay. russthebus07@gmail.com

This would be a great place to transition to talking about the subject matter of this eventual edition to the "Rip 'Em System" Tublr, but I do want to address "The Art of Wrestling with CM Punk and Colt Cabana," that I'm still trying to download. The WWE "workers" need to get their shit together and form a union. I'm fairly certain the quotes I've read about the WWE's denial or ignorance of the actual state of their talents' health are true. To clarify, this ignorance is probably directed to the workers with voices that the company does not want to be heard.

Dolph Ziggler and Miz get all of the time off to recover from a concussion since they ride with the physician. These guys are also products of WWE, not the indie scene, so they've been developed by the McMahons to be the sports entertainers they want to showcase despite they can't pull up to Punks kick pad (maybe lace up is the correct term, I got mine through Highspots or Century instead of eLucha.

I'm not saying that Ziggler and Miz aren't talented. Ziggler's athleticism is outstanding which is his downfall because it seems to be the emphasis of his offense. It just seems sloppy because he wants to execute every one of his signature moves too fast. This may just be a personal preference since I seem to be the minority. Most of my fellow veterans of the squared circle (a Barry Horowitz moment) opinions coincide with the majority. The Miz is awe...inspiring on the mic which is why I loved his tag team with John Morrison. Mike could sell the true talent, like he's doing with Mizdow.

Still, these two performers work so hard to be social network relevant, you'd expect they'd be capable of doing the socially responsible thing and support a union to assure the safety and proper compensation that all of their fellow "Superstars" deserve. The workers have no other options when it comes to making a celebrity-style living. Unless CM Punk fights AJ Styles for the command of the Bullet Club, there is no competing promotion to work for that give the performers leverage.

Vince McMahon may not go for dealing with a union, but if all the talent joins, he'll have to rely on his subpar writing to get over subpar wrestlers. I think the 18 to 35 is still his target demographic, so he'd better be ready to return to Saturday mornings curtain jerking for figure skating and gymnastics, hoping for a bump from "The Mighty Morphing Power Rangers." In the end, Jerry Lawler would become the head of talent relations as every non-union athlete prepares for his General Mills cereal box gimmick.

Or should I have said Post because of their established relationship with Fruity Pebbles?

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Perhaps my proposal of a union wouldn't have been needed if Hollywood would have capitalized on the home video market during the boom in wrestling. Why wasn't there a "Planet of the Samoans" franchise developed between Wrestlemania and Wrestlemania XVII? Could you imagine the reboot when the you cast the Rock as Cesar?

Give me some props for the round about way of getting to what I really wanted to write about this week.

Check out the rest of this blog at the "Rip 'Em System" Tumblr.

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