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Monday, September 8, 2014

40 miles of bad road for a Fiona Apple reference.

It wasn't the best weekend for me to write.

I did attend the "Chicago Internet Cat Video Festival" (the Cubs were in town), so my usual time dedicated to writing (and taking care of hotel guests) wasn't available.

Sunday marked that it has been 10 years since the best person I've known passed away, and I didn't want to write about myself. The odds of the blog post being pleasant would be pretty low after failing to make a positive impact like Stacia Hardin had with the extra decade that she didn't have, but deserved more than most.

And I needed an extra time to think about what to write about since the two podcast that I've criticized accepted my stance against Bella Twins drama. It's going be a tough entry if that's what I have to celebrate in the light of Stacia's memory.

So do I post this #RAW? The answer is probably not. It leave me feeling that there nothing about me that's worth promoting.

If there was anything worth promoting, someone would have faith in me. I may just be hurting because I can't turn to the person who unconditionally believed in my efforts.

I'm twelve, going on 13 years-older than Stacia was when she passed, and I haven't succeeded at being half the person she was. It seems that I have no clue on how to do that.

No one has any suggestions except to keep on living. No one has taken a moment to show support for my efforts to at least make something of my passion.

It feels like my existence is criminal. And no one gives a shit about a wrong doer. Well, at least not one that can't be "careless with a delicate man."

But at least my state of mind understands Fiona Apple's MTV VMA acceptance speech. I just know I wouldn't think that if there were more people like Stacia Marie Hardin around. If you need a guide to being more like her, check out this memorial.

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