NinetyForChill: The #Podcast...Goes to B-Fest

NinetyForChill.com: The #Podcast

Episode 57: NinetyForChill: The #Podcast...Goes to B-Fest (Dalton of Roller Skates)

With "Showdown in Little Tokyo" sharing the marquee at the Norris University Center at Northwestern University, Cool Movies Darth was obligated to attempt to make it through the 24-hour, B-movie marathon that is B-Fest. He spent all 24 hours in the McCormick Auditorium, but did he watch all the movies? Sometimes, there are things so bad, you just need to shut the brain off.

I had made it through two Ed Wood features ("Final Curtain" and "Plan 9 From Outer Space") that are not unwatchable. "Firewalker" disappointed as I ponder how Chuck Norris had his prime throughout the whole of the 1980s, but I cannot be too mad at a good Louis Gossett Jr. performance and a John Rhys-Davies cameo. Who cannot appreciate the sheer, unintentional comedy that is "The Brain That Wouldn't Die"? You would think that would be enough to skip the edibles and choose to constantly drink Monster Juice energy drinks to claim that you made it through the DEEP HURTING.

"The Night of a Thousand Cats" was virtually unwatchable, so it was easier to take the time to update my Letterboxd lists for this podcast, so I felt ready for the 3:00 am show. There was disappointment days later when I found that Quentin Tarantino has an appreciation for that Mexican film, lifting the film's antagonist's name, Hugo Stiglitz, for Til Schweiger's character in "Inglourious Basterds". My disconnect with QT hurts. This feature was the first to be booed at the festival, but not nearly as angrily as that for "Foodfight!".

I have seen more Francis Coleman movies than most. I have seen "Manos: The Hands of Fate" and "Birdemic: Shock and Awe". I made it though "The Room". None of these films made it a point to piss off the audience with every line of dialogue delivered by B-list celebrities. If the animation was better than PlayStation One, PERHAPS this would not be the worst movie I have seen.

A friend of mine told the story about how the original animation was stored on what became stolen hard drives, so one maybe too harsh on this celebrity-endorsed consumerism allegory about the holocaust. (Since this animation is "Veggietales" simple, is this how morons have been brainwashed in believing the Jewish genocide did not occur?) I doubt PlayStation 3 graphics would save this. Every scene is just another decision to make the audience scream, "Fuck You!" at the screen. By 4:40 am, we just lacked the strength to keep up with it. 

We got the boos out of the way, but after that, in my seating row, I slept through "Marihuana: The Weed with Roots in Hell", Arnold Schwarzenegger's "Hercules in New York", and "The Return of Doctor X". It was necessary. Watching "Showdown" on a big screen was too important. 

If only it was not tradition for B-Fest to show "Plan 9" at midnight the past 38 years. There were some great films to discover/rediscover which could have softened the masochism that came with "Night of a Thousand Cats" and "Foodfight!" It was great to see "Return to Oz" at an age greater than five. Who would not appreciate the feature debut of Patrick Swayze in the roller disco film "Skatetown U.S.A."? But the highlight for me came with the second feature of Friday night, "Master of the Flying Guillotine".

The only thing this martial arts film was lacking was (aside from coherency) was a "Fight to Survive" montage. It has "Bloodsport" vibes, inspired "Street Fight 2" characters, and had weird Asian-on-Asian racism you cannot help but giggle at. This is a feature that has a lot of promise be it a cinematic remake, an arcade tournament fighter, or a new take on "Alien: Isolation". All it takes is an Ang Lee or Bong Joon Ho, and we will have a 21st century classic.

If you attended B-Fest and want to chat about the high and lows of the event, feel free to email russthebus07@gmail.com to arrange a Zoom meeting.

If I do not hear from anybody who attended the marathon, the Michael Dubois's Gene Wilder trilogy will begin on March 8. I do not like to post episodes on my birthday week. It is easier to just go social media silent than to ponder about whether or not a Facebook well wish from a high school classmate is genuine.

Follow me on Twitter @catbusruss. If you want to be on the show, contact me on Twitter or send an email to russthebus07@gmail.com. All we need is a theme, movie, director, or actor and a focus on sub 100-minute material. As long as the credits start before the 1:39:59 mark on the runtime bar, the movie qualifies.