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Friday, December 11, 2020

FMK: "The Velocipastor", "It's My Party and I'll Die If I Want To", "Main Event of the Dead".

 *Blog post started on December 10, 2020. "It's My Party and I'll Die If I Want To" review is from 2009.

 

 "The Velocipastor" is a film so set on being a B-movie, you admire its audacity to do so. It is a fun 70 minutes about a priest cursed by a Chinese dinosaur "tooth" who, a long with Carol the pre-med, pre-law hooker, takes on the challenge of Catholic drug-dealing ninjas.

 

"It's My Party and I'll Die If I Want To": The Catalyst for "Main Event of the Dead".

I suppose some credit should go to Christopher R. Mihm's "It Came from Another World" and of course the Drunken Zombie Deadly Double Features where I saw these films. The point is, when you see a bunch of amusing pictures that were made by a bunch of friends gathering together to make a thing, regardless of how nonexistent a budget was, why would you not think that you could do the same. Thus, I went from writing an indie flick about blueprints for my in ring wrestling return to what I thought would be an ode to the fledgling Peoria's wrestling scene.

This idea was over at Richard's on Main St. (i.e. the middle aged). Too bad the Pekin kids and Southside stoners never went out to the bars. Social media was also something that was not a big draw for these types in the early 20-teens. The Facebook traffic picked up, but the people you wanted to immortalize would only respond to me if I was calling them out for being racist assholes or self absorbed and ignorant wrestlers (To be fair, you can accuse me of being self absorbed, but I have never gone out to ruin anyone's life or make them feel less for that.).

Needless to say, I do not think the word had ever gotten to them that there was a chance to be covered in pasty makeup and Karo Syrup. More importantly, their in ring skills were to be documented and viewed by lesser film festivals and top level indie wrestling promotions. How can you say no to promoting yourself?

That sums up the Peoria wrestling scene. It is all about friends doing favors for other friends. Who needs merit and effort when you just have to score some boys some weed, make the high ones chuckle, or just kiss ass to the biggest and most obnoxious marks? As long as you are not looking for a pay day or show ambition to make a name for yourself, you are in.

So where does my pro-wrestling zom-com stand. I am still offering treatments of the script and looking for suggestions on how to get "Main Event of the Dead" out of development hell. (email russthebus07@gmail.com). The pandemic is also hurting the project because I have no way of improving my skills or finding people who would want to get involved with this feature. Of course 2020 was the year I wanted to get away from the keyboard and find those like-minded people.

It is coming up on 10 years of trying to live and die by this script. If you want me to have a New Year's Resolution, I suppose I will get my pilot script out for an idea that has been rattling in my brain the past four years. Too bad I feel gratuitous nudity is needed. That idea prevents YouTube from allowing me those producer and director credits I have been craving.

If you do not have a budget, bare skin can make up for those shortcomings. Too bad I do not know how to add zombies into the pilot idea. It leaves me short of presenting a classic like:

"It's My Party and I'll If I Want To" (2007): The Review


 

Tom Savini's hard nipples, a comic book opening with an eight-bit motif, a budget that was seemingly solely spent on scary contact lenses, and an Elvira costume-sporting, ginger karate expert with stunt tits are what Scotchworthy Productions delivers with their Halloween-themed clusterfest, "It's My Party and I'll Die If I Want To."

Sarah, a switchblade-wielding over achiever is down because it seems that all of her friends have forgotten her birthday. This is not the case because they are planning a wicked party for her at the abandoned Burkitt Manor. The mansion is infamous for the 15 murders that occurred there over the past 70 years. Little do they know that after Uncle Tom (Savini) turned the power on to the joint, evil has awoken.

"It's My Party..." story eventually gets all jumbled and, aside from the survivalism element, makes no sense once the action kicks in. Fortunately, there is plenty of gore to make all of the violence worthwhile.

Everything that Tony Wash's film has is over the top which is essential for an awesome B-Movie. Character generalizations, gratuitous nudity, and attempts to be clever: This picture knows what is is and wants to excel at.

Having not seen "Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead", this maybe the best no budget flick to have played Peoria (At least until "The Drunken Zombie International Film Festival" brought us the Soska Sisters' debut feature "Dead Hooker in a Trunk"). As long as you can deal with the low body count, "It's My Party and I'll Die if I Want To" has something for every fan of B-Movie horror. Rarely, do all the bloody pieces fit so well.

 

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19 Awful(ly Funny) Horror Movie Titles - Buzzfeed

 

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