Discourse may just be too much trouble. It can be problematic for a satirical writer. With arguments being limited to 280-character jabs, you basically get one response and just presume to get nothing but reworded (typically without wisdom) dissent from the person or a personal attack. In other words, the experience is not worth elaborating on in a blog.
Damn I miss Myspace and the concept of presumed usability. It was really not that hard to say what you needed to say. You just had to go through some extra steps to say it. Science knows that we need safe-guards on this society.
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Imagine if Twitter or Facebook at least read the tweet/comment to the publisher out loud before they got to press share? Donald Trump would probably be offended that it did not sound like him and would in turn shut the fuck up.
If I want to get back my best writing environment, I think I have to take up weeknight drinking again. It looks like I was never meant for this first shift life. How can I get the stupid and/or occasionally enlightening conversations that inspire me to make sure my typing speed is still at 60 wpm?
Has it come down to inspiration versus girlfriend? I am no Sith (my UltraSaber colors are green and orange...and now I just sold myself on getting "Jedi Fallen Order" at MSRP to see that in action), so I cannot be hypocritical and deal in absolutes. Leave that to social media which is only good for promotion.
Promotion is what I will be using to kill the second half of the work day. The AV Club has kept me a bit busier with their best and worst of 2019, and it made me realize that my website ninetyforchill.com can provide me with a similar post. I will have to resynch my schedule in terms of anime review drops, but until I take the time to watch Zach Sabre Jr. versus Colt Cabana from AAW to lead into my somewhat autobiographical pilot, (See if I have the chops for it by requesting a copy of my B-movie zombie treatment "Main Event of the Dead" by emailing russthebus07@gmail.com.) this list is how I will make the best of these uninspiring times.
Russ Stevens's Top Ten 90-Minute* Movie Discoveries of 2019**
*Films between 75 minutes and 97 minutes.
**Not all, if any, were released to visual media in 2019.
10. Contamination (1980; Now Featured on Rifftrax.)
This is not a good movie. Because of the influence of "Mystery Science Theater 300" has over me, I am willing to try and find odd and tacky flicks, and determine if I can shine the turd or uncover an underappreciated gem. In this case, it is definitely the prior.
As a fan of the giallo genre of Italian cinema, I figure this gorier "Alien" rip off was worth the trouble. Thanks for 80's All Over for making me aware of it. It drags in the middle, but until that point, it is Fulci light, so I was amused.
"Contamination" is inoffensive and ambitious enough to avoid being painful, but when your asking for better stories but similar production qualities, a Euro-junk cinema fan can skip it. In fact, it will remind you to when the first act ends.
Honorable Mentions:
"Contamination" just snuck into the top 10. After a recent visit to Champaign's Disc Replay, I saw a couple of copies of "Nirvana (1997)", and I was tempted to buy one. That film may have been as good as "Johnny Mnemonic", it just lacks the American B-list cast.
"Robo Vampire (1988)" could have been a fun foreign knock off film to put in the top 10, but there is definitely no heart to it, just stuff to mock (Rifftrax has featured that as well). Lack of heart does not "The Transformers: The Movie (1986)" allow that to crack the top 10 despite its soundtrack, and "Titan A.E. (200)" may have had heart, but not the music.
9. Firepower (1993)
Now this is an indication that finding lesser known, ideally fit for commercial cinema was a tough task. The direction and production efforts are not there and the supporting cast knows it. Fortunately, all the billed talent delivers the best they can with this story. It is like three Keanu Reeveses. This may be the wrestling fan (and underemployed professional) in me, but a chance to see a fictional heel Ultimate Warrior is one I could not pass up.
"Firepower" is deserving of a shot-by-shot made for YouTube remake, but if you are not going to devote that time, it otherwise deserves no attention. It is sad because Warrior could have avoided becoming a motivational dick/speaker and the fight scenes could have given us a good Jean-Claude Van Damme knock off.
8. Underworld: Blood Wars (2016)
With everything needing to be two hours and continually expanding its universe (regardless how narrow), it was nice to get a brief installment in this intellectual property. It does not add anything new except more British actors that make casual movie goers say, "I know that guy." That is not a bad thing since it is the first time since the first film (I skipped the third despite the cast, no prequel was needed) that we got a vampire army versus a werewolf clan. Goregasmic demises can overcome story shortcomings and plot holes.
"Underworld: Blood Wars" is how a ridiculous 80's feature premise can still work in the 21st century. A familiar face and action is all you need. Just keep it brief (under 100 minutes) and the effects worthwhile, and you can get the audience to accept anything. This is "Cruiser Weight Classic" film making, not "205 Live".
7. Death Warrant (1990)
This was definitely a Jean-Claude Van Damme flick that flew under my radar. It was lost in his ridiculous premise ("Universal Soldier", "Cyborg") features and his tournament fighters. The only scene that I had caught prior to this viewing was a villain successfully walking out of a furnace to go a second round with JVCD. I thought that was too ridiculous, but that was before I started to embrace B-cinema.
Transgender hooker, hormone-driven hackers, inflammable giants and Jean-Claude Van Damme make "Death Warrant" a spectacle not to be missed. It is good for noise and it must be great with a few drinks. The story is something to be awed by and I am surprised there has not been a new take on this.
It is "Bloodsport" meets "Batman vs Superman." Who would not want to see an hour and over done CGI removed from that?
6. Yoga Hosers (2016)
If you are not a fan of Kevin Smith, skip this film. If you think making films for you friends is not a valid reason to make a film, skip this film. If you want to avoid a "South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut" Canadian cultural dismantling, skip this film.
The movie works as a great B-movie, but when you get something from the director of "Chasing Amy" on a five-million dollar budget, you are expecting an indie film. This is definitely the wrong way to approach this feature because Kevin Smith has established who he is and what you should expect.
5. 12 Rounds 3: Lockdown (2015)
Jon Moxley (f.k.a. Dean Ambrose) is one of the first WWE star who realizes what kind of action film he is in (Kane was in horror movies), and pays homage to the genre's greats (in this case, John McClane). He keeps it up, and the amatuerish direction keeps pace. It felt like the cheapest WWE film, and WWE Studios should take note. We are here to see John Moxley kill the bad guys, not some character on a page. AEW, AEW AEW!
4. Future World (2018)
Since I purchased the NinetyForChill.com domain in January of 2019, this will count. Otherwise, it could be disqualified by a week, but that would be criminal. "Future World" is the visualization of who James Franco is. He looks like the type of guy who would try and remake "Cyborg". But since he is also the man behind "The Disaster Artist", he knew what that underrated Albert Pyunn film was missing: Lively Characters with Gimmicks.
"Future World" was probably a wild pitch that took any money it could get. You have to respect it for letting Jovovich do what she does best. It has to be appreciated for not being overly complicated sci-fi to justify its shortcomings. And any movie with Snoop as the Love Lord is worth $1.75.
Why they didn't put that in his billing may be the dumbest thing this film did.
3. Arena (1989)
The B-Movie effects are the only thing holding back the best tournament-themed, non-R-rated action-flick of the 80's.
All the budgetary shortcomings to try and execute a sci-fi action flick is an experiment worth viewing. "Arena" is a rare low budget alien flick that does not try to shock its audience which is quite a refreshing change from most extra terrestrial flicks of the late 80's. It does not take the time to insult your intelligence so it is fun trip that is even more jocular the less seriously you take it.
There are times when fun can triumph fine art. "Arena" is one of those times.
2. He Never Died (2015)
Effectively Henry Rollins the movie, "He Never Died" gives him even more reason to by cynical and fed up with idiots. The story is sleek and while still being subversive to create the universe that would be one long spoken word.
This film may solely be for the fans of Rollins. "He Never Died" shows that an appreciation of "Black Flag" indicates wisdom. It is a film for the wise, so it might not be a Thanksgiving recommendation because there is at least one uncle who will not get it.
1. Brigsby Bear (2017)
This feature is for all those who feel like outcasts due to their fandom by providing a protagonist who is totally disconnected. It sensitively addresses mental issues while giving Generation X viewers fan service and Millenials a great outlook on the most recent silent generation. Comedy is almost always present, and since that is how I cope, it is nearly a perfect film.
With concise direction and writing, it is a shame that "Brigsby Bear" did not get a wider release. It is funny and clever and has a message that I think everyone could benefit from. The actors you came to see deliver and any one from Generation X to Millenials can appreciate the celebration of not quite ready for PBS productions.
I have notebook upon notebook (I am not overly ambitious) of reviews to put online, so it will be a more varied best/worst lists. It is fifty-fifty in terms quality in my release queue thus far, so at least we immediately know there will be a best and a worst. Enjoy the certainty.
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