We may have gotten to the point at the new job that I do not know what to do with myself. Neither of the GeoCities Archives saved my "Sailor Moon", "Iria: Zeiram the Animation", and "Burn-Up W" (I swear there was another badass chick cartoon in there), so there are no more lost anime blogs to republish. It is a pity. If @aewrestling actually investigated any of the blog posts I tag them in, perhaps I should do more work to find my anime website "Y2A".
AEW anxiety has been bubbling up. It happens whenever there is wrestling that I can actually attend. I got through the training. I realized it could work out the way I needed it to. But it all happened at the worst time for me. I did not have the support aside from Danny Daniels, so I could not do it at that time. There were no other supporters (family or friends) when I could get in a good place, no opportunities to get back.
For the past couple of weeks, since my last post in other words (a month [2 weeks since I am publishing them faster to get it all out by December 4] by the time this comes out), I noticed that I have not been feeling like myself. My girlfriend might leap out and say, "I told you so" and say the job is changing me, "because you do change with new jobs." The environment has changed, but I have not is how I approach it. That does not comfort her. No matter what is actually happening, it was probably a poor time to fulfill a wedding obligation. If I was not already anxious enough.
There will definitely be different perspectives on my performance. I think only her brother appreciated me successfully applying the Jedi Mind trick on her sister's daughter. Parents just do not like having the control of their nurturing tactics (or lack there of) taken from them. That was dinner with her family in Columbus, Ohio on the way to the Greater D.C. area. As for how I performed at the wedding events, the only real feedback I got was from the better quarter (my cat will always get half).
At the rehearsal, she seemed to appreciate my thoughts on how to ensure her niece would succeed as a flower girl whether the little one liked it or not. The concept was sedating her (she had the flu anyhow) and using a pulley system to let her glide down the aisle. A four year-old in good shape cannot weigh more than 30 pounds. Surely the cross above the altar that is carrying a Jesus statue weighing the same amount could handle her weight.
That was a catholic wedding in practice. A catholic wedding at game time, not so quick to joke. At least that is when it comes to the parishioners. The priest, a different story.
"I know some of you attending are not Catholics. That is okay. Nobody is perfect."
God how I wanted to let, "this guy needs to get laid," slide out of my mouth towards my significant other, but I knew it would fly over like a lead balloon. She did not think it very funny when I waited till we left the confines of the church. Is the parking lot too soon?
The discussion returned to the sin and trust issues of us not being married. Not as thorough as they were an hour west of Buckeye Nation, but it was tough to perk her up. At least in Ohio we found the Book Loft of German Village. She wanted to go thrift shopping between the end of the wedding and the reception's beginning. Nothing was to be found except "Kitten in a Blender" and pressure at Dream Wizards. The pressure will come from her needing to be instantly be good at the "Game of Thrones" card and dice game.
She thought I would never be accepted by her family for not being in the process of making her an honest woman. Living in lust is what it looks like was her stance. It seems like she may not have paid attention to the stories that allowed me to tolerate Peoria. At best, lust was the first three weeks of this deal. When she dragged me from a concert before The Queers hits the stage in support of The Dwarves, it better have been love since then. If that is not commitment and patience, what is?
I guess as long as I am not comfortable enough to move things into a legally binding state, my sacrifices are for not. Refusing to overcome my anxiety about faking it on the dance floor was not going to help. But what was I expected to do? A shitty deejay and no hard alcohol or non-boxed wine options, it is impossible for me to want to get involved.
It is 2019. You could have at least had White Claw. Also, do I really want to get closer to a family that only has receptions (that I could attend) in tents or barns?
My girlfriend is not happy that I told her I did not take the new job for her. Essentially, I still want to runaway with the circus. That does not seem like and option in any case. All I have creatively is my blog and screenplay for "Main Event of the Dead", a zombie-comedy B-movie involving pro-wrestling (for a treatment of the story, email russthebus07@gmail.com). As for wrestling, I have gotten nothing to show since 2007 (video, hence why Iron Spirit Pro in Bloomington would not offer me a tryout match as a referee). Even if I am ready to go (like 7-11, I may not be working but I am open), I would be expecting people to take a chance on me.
I suppose this is why AEW does not have an employment link on their website.
Three people have taken a chance on me. One is dead, one is estranged, and one got $2,500 and labor from me. Is it as simple as just offering a retainer? I did offer that up to my girlfriend. Instead of a big wedding, why not have her family fund my movie? Does this tell me where I am at in life?
Image from the CG Shrines
Image from the CG Shrines
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