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Tuesday, September 17, 2019

Straight to DVD - Locked Down - If that title doesn't express limitations….

MMA movies may not help promote the sport, especially when the struggling, non-fighting actors seem less enthused than soft-core porn actresses. Hams like Bai Ling and Vinnie Jones almost make the feature bearable, but "Locked Down" shows why there is no art to the modern mix martial artist.

Danny Bolan is an undercover detective who has been framed after a messy drug bust. Intent to distribute, laundering, and second degree murder charges have landed him in Blackwood State Penitentiary, the same facility that houses the majority of the felons he has put away. This includes Anton Vargas, the powerful convict who runs the prison and uses it as the headquarters of his underground cage fighting promotion.

Pathetic professional performers and wretched direction make "Locked Down" a complete waste of time. Aside from the named actors, the best thing about the picture is watching UFC fighters trying to act.

You do have to appreciate the acting from Rashaad Evans, Forrest Griffin, and Kimbo Slice. They make themselves larger than life, and may be able to cut it as pro wrestlers. If only they knew how to make their fake moves look believable.

One would like to think that it was the director's fault since the man could not even film simulated sex well (if it does not involved drunk characters portrayed by Oscar-winning actors, it is not supposed to be gritty or von Triers-esque), but you cannot convince us that he did not catch a single punch landing?

This just shows these fighters are barbaric and do not have a mastery of what they do. You can stiff someone and not knock them out. What hurts the argument that MMA will be around forever is that they need to rely on pro-wrestling moves to make the film's fights interesting. The worst thing they could have scripted was Kimbo power bombing an opponent. It only indicates that MMA will eventually run out of things to excite the viewership.

With the MMA in this feature being a letdown, the non-MMA elements need to shine, and they do not. The casting is horrid. If your lead actor's only tattoo is a tramp stamp, the audience cannot respect him. Perhaps knowing that is why Tony Schiena makes porn actors look like British thespians. When you cannot get respect, why try to even earn it. Mario Lopez understood that.

"Locked Down" could have been junk food, but turns out to be stale chips. Vinnie Jones is fun and Bail Ling's breast are nice, but the action is wretched with no sense of believability. This guy movie cannot keep a teenage boy involved because the director cannot even frame a set of boobs let alone a scene. If you cannot nail sex and violence, stay away from American entertainment.



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