I suppose I should be happy that I named this blog (or originally named this blog "If I'm the Cat") at the end of the previous installment. Too bad I failed to remember that. Rationalization number seven could be "I Cannot Win"...even better the "Evangelion" stylized version [I Can (Not) Win], but I'd like to believe that my lack of opportunities is because no one wants to step up and be the loser. Explains the local wrestling scene, but what about team efforts?
Rationalization 7: I Am a Shitty Teammate.*
We can go back to high school wrestling and manipulative (and in turn, stupid) Mortonites, but let's keep it current. I've made some decisions that have left me in less than ideal situations, but I've always come through for others. It can be argued that I didn't come through for my parents for the sheer amount of stress I've caused them. But [and the "Game of Thrones" fans can make their claims for my lack of parental respect or make their hypocrite accusations for using the "Stark But Formula (so tempted to add an extra T to the middle word)"] I feel that all my failures are my failures.
They came through for me when I needed help, and have yet to not do so. And so far, I've have yet to fail at being there for them. If they feel I have, they assumed I wouldn't be able to help them. Don't challenge me because I will find a way to meet the challenge. Fight is all I know I have.
The only way that it can be said my failures reflect on my parents is that I am not the adult they wanted me to grow up to be. Can anyone be what there folks want them to be? Actually, that might be true, at least in terms of my family, but that can open up a whole bag of Tim Burton-sized worms that I should avoid.
*So, I've yet to nail down "Rationalization 7." Technically, it's the titles that I keep missing.
Still, are we ever going to get to the cat? At this point, the furball may end up being the conclusion to this series. In principle, I think I should just announce that there will be a part four because of my hatred for everything needing to be a trilogy. It hinders story telling and ruins the adaptation of single literary works. The use of the term literary instead of Literary is because I don't want to consider "The Deathly Hallows" to be as important as wussy LARP fans thinks it is. Wizards aren't for those who do not want to throw down. For fucksake, Gandalf and the mages from 8-bit "Final Fantasy" waved swords around. Fuck your dependency on Mana.
I could start a blog entry about how "Harry Potter is a rip off of Highlander" or "Rationalizations from Fictional Decapitations," but let us get back on track...despite it is Harlem Avenue at rush hour. But to make one thing clear, Tolkien deserves a big fucking "Literary."
Rationalization 8: Hope Is a Lie.
A lot (probably all) people consider me to be a pessimist. I think I am an optimist. I am a Cubs fan, so I have to be. Until the current ownership, Cubs fans were at least receiving positive reinforcement. That was the only positive reinforcement chaos provided me. And we wonder why I'm depressed.
As I said, chaos has provided me. There are people who have given me support. Sadly, it's nothing more than pep talks. "Things are bound to get better," "how can things get any worse," "I don't have it so good." You cannot really argue the third one...until they tell you "you just have to think positive" or list how many relationships or luxuries turned negative that you wish you would have had...for experience sake of course.
I live with a cat, I'm not raising a child or growing plants for my cat to destroy. "Ghostbusters 2" bull shit isn't going to help me. OSF psychiatric program should have just stamped "doomed" on me instead of sugar coating my existence by having me read "The Missing Piece" by Shel Silverstein. How can you just believe things will change for the better when you can't control anything, and your not getting a chance to.
Rationalization 7: I Am a Shitty Investment.
Sorry for this "Choose Your Own Adventure" moment. I should have just developed a bookmark/link system to navigate this blog entry, but I can't be giving away all my web-designing skills for free. If you cannot support "Main Event of the Dead" (a treatment of the pro-wrestling, no budget, zombie comedy can be requested through russthebus07@gmail.com) at least support the profession that was suppose to be the original Pro Wrestling Back Up Plan.
Okay, I shouldn't be writing with bullet points. They limit the creativity as earlier stated. It just seemed to make more sense to preach why I need support before I go into how I cannot receive it.
Not receiving help has seemed to cost me $80 and two best friends. The $80, giving Zoosk another chance. With 20 attempts to communicate and 11 failed scientific matches, perhaps I'm just undesirable, so hence, not worth the time. My twit friend, whom I am following, didn't return the favor. I suppose that shouldn't matter except they "wanted to be friends." And my long time friend, she got back to me, but...I think that demonstrates I do not have much value.
So it's no surprise that I can't get anyone behind my film production. Especially if you add my past failures. My bankruptcy may indicate I'm a bad risk. My lack of a wrestling career goes back to "Rationalization 4: Only Good Promotion Brings Meaning." Still, these are my failures. Aside from those who paid for the bankruptcy (and a $2500 that others ditched on me), my screw ups are mine.
I'm looking to organize a potential failure that we can all be proud of. This is no different than starting a pick up team. We may not win, but we should have fun.
But when no one has ever believed in you as an adult (except for Danny Daniels...can the guy get a Wiki), no one will put my ability in being a stand-up, trustworthy person for my friends.
Rationalization 9: Belief Determines Worth. So people follow Christ because he's rich like the Kardashians.
At least I'm improving on my knocks against the Messiah of many. Building on that will at least give me something to look forward to when I write "Schrodinger's Cat 4."
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