Perhaps it is my discontent towards the job. The extra long holiday shift and the double to follow it in 18 hours. The anxiety of wondering how much more abuse they'll lay on me before I devote the majority of my time to drinking and studying.
Whatever element or elements mentioned above, throw in the decadent customers, and for the first time, I feel the emotion of jealousy towards those who have Christmas off.
Out of principle, I would not mind working the holiday or any religious holiday for that matter. No, I did not sell God out for time and a half, but religious events should not justify a commercial shut down.
With that being said, I assume you understand my feeling towards Hobby Lobby, so I will not go into my rant that they close on Sundays because right wing Christians feel that they have to limit the days that we can truly be creative thus lessening independent thought and our Jewish friends from converting us.
All I have to say about Hobby Lobby is that Sunday was always my day off (work five days, wrestle Saturday), why must I be left feeling like the speaker of an Anne Plath poem because of it.
To protest the Hobby Lobbyists, I stood behind the fuel desk pleasantly on December 25, 2008, and treated the customers to the most courteous service I could offer. Sadly, this day was also the first day the shopping baskets at Super Pantry ever saw any use.
And I decided that if I was to run out of ink writing this blog, I will drag the next customer over the counter, slice off the top of their index finger, and deliver this Pulitzer hopeful in blood.
Gas stations need to be open on Christmas for four reasons: Gas, Smokes, Newspapers, and Batteries.
Food? Well you should have had that taken care of. If you can't free load off a relative, maybe you should mail out gift cards a long with your tacky family pic to your "loved" ones.
The same goes for tampons (God, I hope there are no pony riding readers). If you are asked to run out and grab some for the GF, tell her to write a Pulitzer peace. Please do that so that I may receive praise for helping to find a way to thin out the herd.
Batteries? You never know just how many you really need until the living room has become a back alley. Cigarettes? I would not dare ask any of these addicts to deal with their extended families without them. Newspapers? How else will you find an event to use as an excuse to be free of the in-laws? And with all these potential trips from the house comes the need for gas.
Otherwise, you don't need a damn thing on 12/25. Why does Walmart close of JC's B-Day? Because no matter the race, color or creed, this is the one day they decided that you must be prepared for. If you are not prepared, not having candy to shut the whiny brats up is your problem.
If you gotta bug me by browsing for something sugar-free, do not take the kids into the gas stations with you. Don't make their racket my problem.
Walmart dose not close because of faith. Their faith is to the green back. Consider X-mas as practice for the apocalypse. I'm sure one bad one, and you'll be ready from there on out.
And don't bug me for last second gift cards, for your sake. Those things have the time of purchase printed on the receipts. Nothing says I've been thinking of you year round like something purchased as 16:22:35 of 12/25/08.
Do people have pride anymore? Do you really want to be that guy with a basket full of stuff you forgot? I hope not, because if not, I hope a cop needing a pack of reds waits behind you in line.
After I see the "what kind of garbage is this look" on the officer's face, I'll drag you over the counter. Then I will beat you until you crawl away. I will be left smiling a long side the blue guy relishing the enjoyment of the righteous punishment for stupidity.
Don't let me forget to warn the police. If they try to sting me on tobacco sales on X-mas, I'll treat them the same way I'd treat a stupid customer for their power tripping ways. I am certain there is going to be a judge to side with me for the attack. If not, public support will be there for my appeal.
I will do my best not to work on X-mas from here on out, but I will also make my fellow clerks understand the appropriate actions to the whims of the ill mannered and decadent.
If you fear revolution, it maybe the time for pay-at-the-pump, so that we can all fake it when it comes to Christ. A time for credit card operated vending machines for batteries and smokes. That way, if your kid buy Camels, it's your fault for leaving your wallet out.
It might be a time for newspaper dispenser that will bite your hand off if you try to grab more than one.
You can change, the methods of selling these products can change, or you can start performing favors for alkaline. I like time and a half to slack and wait on customers who know what they need, but more importantly, I just want the chance to slack on X-mas like the rest of the world.
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