Schrodinger's Cat or Lil Bub: Who Should be in the Box?

August 2, 2014

lilbub.com

If a shuttle passenger says, "you drive like you are from Chicago". Is that an insult or a compliment? Immediately I think that I really need to pursue a hospitality career. My driving is at major metro mastery.

As I drop the seven guests (the vehicle was designed for six passengers) off at their destination, the one holding a bottle of Fireball criticizes my driving:

You need to be more professional when you have that many people in the car. And know where you are going before you say go.

There is a difference between hopping on the wrong way on I-74 and being ignorant. I suppose you can say that is the same as the difference between stupidity and ignorance, but I will call it instinctual. What is there in Peoria that's worth hopping on the interstate for? If you're at a hotel in Peoria, Illinois, it ain't for the shopping. You can at least gamble in Tazewell County. Or have the "Best Burger this Side of Paradice." East Peoria is all about the craps.

May be they were from Chicagoland and needed a break from the style of motorist I was presenting. On the flip side, even without my diversion into East Peoria, they should appreciate making it to the church on time. The five minutes spent bullshitting around to get ready for the shuttle was far more detrimental to their punctuality. No reason (since I was shorted $2 gratuity) for getting me into Audrey Hepburn zone. Just you wait Henry Higgins, just you wait.

Rationalization 61: Fund Me; Fight Me; Follow Me; Fuck Me

Read the rest of this blog and other stories at Main Event of the Dead.com and determine if this thought process can be translated into a B-movie comedy about pro-wrestling zombies.